blessed chaos

New Blog!

2007-01-13T15:54:00.000-08:00

Update your links - My new blogs are here:

Blessed Chaos

Year in Pictures

Won't be posting here anymore...

Getting Frustrated

2007-01-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

Update

2007-01-07T11:29:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow's my next hearing with the Labor Board. Please, cross your fingers, think good thoughts, say a prayer for me. I'm hoping to get word of when I might see my money. God knows we need it. I was hoping that this year would start off on a better foot for us, but it seems not. We're doing our best, and stretching our money pretty tight. Finding ways to cut corners, juggling bills, trying to find ways to make some money on the side. Johnny's probably gonna start doing some tattoo work. Hopefully that pans out. We're just ready to get back on our feet...

Also

2007-01-06T12:01:00.000-08:00

Just to let you all know, I've started another blog - A Year In Pictures. The link is on my sidebar, or you can click here. Be sure to save it and come back often - I'll try to commit and upload a photo a day. Thanks Lindi for the challenge. And thanks to all the other ladies that are participating too. I can't wait to see everyone's pictures!

Just a little something

2007-01-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

A song that I love by the Cure. Re-done by Katie Melua. You can hear her version in the film "Just Like Heaven". Love the song. Love the movie. Just love it.

Goodbye 2006!

2006-12-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

And good riddance!! I've had the worst year of my life and I'm looking forward to putting it behind me.

The one good thing that happened this year was that I met Johnny - the man I love! Yay for me. I never would have thought that David leaving would have a good outcome, but it sure did. Funny that you can't see the mountains when you're so deep in the valley, and I never would have expected to meet someone so sweet, funny, and caring as Johnny... Boy, I'm glad I did because I couldn't imagine being without him....

I'm looking forward to 2007 and getting back on our feet. I hope and pray that there are great things in store for us, because after the hell we've been through this year (financially), we deserve to come out on top.

So here's my year in review:

January - I started a new job
I became single after 7 years

May - I met Johnny :o)

May - September - Payroll issues

August - Went to Michigan and got to scrap with lots of wonderful ladies!!

September - Lost my job and still hadn't been paid in 2 months
Electricity was shut off
Turned the ex-boss into the Labor Board

October - Got a temp job

November - Turned 25
Water was shut off
First Labor Board hearing - he didn't even show up
Found out that my temp job will always be a temp job (they don't hire their temps)
Our first Thanksgiving together

December - Our first Christmas together
Cable/Internet shut off
Celebrated our 6 month anniversary

So, it's been a crazy year and I'm hoping that 2007 brings many many changes for us. I've got my next hearing with the Labor Board on Jan. 8th and I'm hoping it brings good news for me... And I've got my eyes peeled for a new job, something closer to home so that I'm not spending so much time and money being out on the road every day.

We're going to spend the evening surrounded by our friends, ringing in the new year with the ones we love. Here's hoping that you do the same, and have a safe and blessed New Year. Love you all *hugs*

Some days

2006-12-29T08:11:00.000-08:00

Some days I just wanna pack up my Johnny and my babies and go.... go somewhere far, far away from here. Get away from everything. Leave behind the cell phone so I don't get any more calls from creditors. Leave behind all the bills I can't pay. Leave behind all the drama and chaos. I can't take anymore. I just wanna go....

Christmas Re-Cap

2006-12-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

All went well, rather smoothly, without too much craziness or drama.... We ended up with 17 people and 4 dogs at our house on Christmas day (3 of them ours - but Molly has a new little boyfried!!) Tons of food, tons of catching up, tons of family and friends. We had a great time but I was completely exhausted by the time everyone left and I got the kitchen cleaned up.... I was in bed at 9! The bad part was that I had to get up and work the next day...

Johnny goes to the dentist tomorrow to have 2 molars pulled, a root canal and a crown put on.... My poor honey. He's been in such pain for months and now he finally went in to the dentist and that's the verdict. And $1800 later.... Thank God for payment plans... Somehow, we'll manage. We'll just be living even tighter....

I keep meaning to sit down and do a "year in reveiw" kinda post, but don't seem to find the time when I'm at home.... always something else to do to keep me busy. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and if I don't post back before New Years.... Have a safe, wonderful and happy New Year!!!!

Please take a moment

2006-12-23T11:17:00.000-08:00

There is an amazing group called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep that specializes in infant bereavement photography. Please take a moment to look at their site here.

Then, if you feel it in your heart to do so, please sign the petition here to help raise awareness of this service.

I first heart of this group a while back after joining ScrapJazz. There are a few of our own photographers on there that have signed up, that they may be of some help for a family that has lost one if it's little angels.

Sarah had also signed up... But as she said, she didn't realize that the first session she would do would be for her own little angel. The strength that it takes to be able to be there for a session like that in the first place is amazing, but for it to be your own child. Wow. I can't even begin to imagine.

Sarah was so kind enough to share a few of her photos with us, her extended family. You can find them here and here. Please, continue to keep her in your prayers as Christmas comes.

I've started sleeping again, finally

2006-12-17T14:01:00.000-08:00

But, I've been having some pretty intense dreams. Dreams that completely freak me out and I wake up in a cold sweat.

The wierdest part is that I don't normally remember my dreams upon waking, but these last 2 have totally stuck with me.

I just hope that I can get a peaceful night's rest tonight.

It's been a long week....

2006-12-16T21:31:00.000-08:00

With all that's been going on with Teegan's sudden passing, I've found myself praying a lot lately. Mostly for Sarah and her family, that they will be able to find peace in all of this. That they know how much they are loved and how truly affected we all have been by these circumstances. That they know that we are here for them, even if it's only to provide an ear or shoulder. And I've been praying for Amy a lot too. That she would continue to be strong for her friend, who needs her now more than ever. Amy posted that Sarah actually got some sleep last night, for the first time since this all happened. What a relief. With the services being yesterday, I'm sure that she's able to finally slow down and just breath. I still can't imagine the pain that they all feel. But they are on my mind constantly and I just wish that there were something I could do...

I had expected to get quite a bit done today, with Christmas just around the corner. We'll be having all of Johnny's family over, as well as some friends. I wanted to get the house cleaned up, carpets cleaned, kitchen mopped.... all of it done now, so that as the big day gets closer, I'm just able to spot clean. I did get the kitchen mopped, but once I got the vacuum in my scrap room, I got distracted and ended up cleaning up in there most of the day. Went through some of the stuff I've been wanting to purge. Think I sold a QK font. Yay! And then as the day wore down, I ended up scrapping... So most of the day was spent in my scrap room. But, I was productive while in there, so I guess it's not a big deal. I'll just have a lot more to do tomorrow, which works out because Johnny will be home to help... :o)

Anyways, not much exciting going on. Just felt the need to post something. Think I'm gonna go pop a movie in and head to bed... Nite everyone.

Please say a prayer

2006-12-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

For my friend Sarah... Her baby daughter Teegan passed away this morning. It was completely unexpected and is a huge blow to her family, as well as her extended family, us Jazzers.

Amy posted "The preliminary autopsy results are in. Teegan passed from a very aggressive viral infection in her lungs. They told us that it most likely set in within 12 hours of her death. It was so massive that it eventually filled her poor little lungs with mucous and suffocated her. She passed due to a severe viral infection, the type of virus is still unknown at this time.

Sarah and Grant were up with her at 3am and brought her into their bed. She snuggled into the middle and passed surrounded by the immense love and concern of her parents. Please hug yur babies tonight. Like Sarah said, "I want my yesterdays back." Do not take a single moment for granted."

Just keep them in your thoughts and prayers, it's greatly appreciated.

It's finally Friday!

2006-12-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

Woohoo!! I live for the weekend! And it's been one heck of a week...

Attended Blanca's funeral yesterday. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time... I've never attended a Catholic funeral before, and they went through a whole Mass, which was very interesting... And from what I could understand of the service, it was lovely (it was conducted in spanish and I only got bits and pieces of it). After the serivice, they had a procession out to the burial plot, where there was a small Mariachi band and they played some of Blanca's favorite songs. It tore my heart out to stand there and watch Mary laying against her mother's casket, singing along.... She cried during the entire service but overall seemed to hold up well. She only broke down a couple of times - and each time that she did, Tani and I broke down too. I can't imagine the pain that she was feeling, that she still feels, knowing that her mother, her world, her everything is now gone. It just makes me so sad.

I'm looking forward to the weekend - Tani and John are coming over tomorrow evening and hanging out with us... Food, drinks and games galore! I always love hanging out with them and I'm even more excited this time because 1.) they'll finally get a chance to hang out with Johnny and get to know him better 2.) it's been nearly a year since we've done this - last New Years was the last time we hung out and 3.) I really miss Tani now that we aren't working together.... We're both so busy that we don't get a lot of time together and she's one of my closest friends, we've been through so much together in the short 3 years we've known eachother.... I really miss her. So, I'm super excited! And, she's bringing her fur-kids too, so all the munchkins will be busy playing and entertaining eachother! It'll be crazy but it's always fun.

Have a great weekend everyone.... Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post once the weekend's over.... **hugs**

It's gonna be one of those days...

2006-12-06T08:07:00.001-08:00

Slept in too late (hit that snooze button 1 too many times) and didn't make it into the shower... Fortunately I took a shower last night, but didn't wash my hair... This morning it's all greasy feeling and staticy...

On the way into work, spilled coffee all over my center console in the car... Now everything is sticky and gross, not to mention that my car was already filthy, so you mix dirt and dust with sticky coffee.... Nasty.

Then, get into work and go to make my oatmeal in the kitchen... Spill oatmeal all over the counter...

It's just gonna be one of those days, isn't it?! **rolleyes**

"Holiday" Trees

2006-12-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

Warning.... Rant to follow....

I was on my way home yesterday and passed by a sign that said- "Fresh cut Holiday Trees". When did Christmas trees become Holiday trees????

I don't care what religion you are, whether you celebrate Christmas as the birth of Jesus or not.... But the foundation of this holiday is based on His birth and is a celebration of Him. If you choose to celebrate the day as just another holiday, then that is your choice. But it's unfair for people to be so butt-hurt over the season that we are now forced to say "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas" and now we've even gone so far as to re-name the Christmas tree as a Holiday Tree..... Where does it end?? I'm tired of everyone trying to be so politically correct so they don't step on anyone's toes....

Can't we all just learn to live peacefully together even though we have different beliefs? Why is that so difficult? Just because I believe one way and you believe another does not mean either of us are necessarily wrong. Why is that so difficult to understand? Don't most religions teach you to not pass judgement on others? So then why are we so offended by something so simple as a Christmas tree???

A day of sadness

2006-11-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

Got word this morning that Mary's mother passed away. For those that don't remember, Mary is one of my closest friends and her mother suddenly became very ill at the beginning of the year. Constant headaches, not feeling well.... After numerous tests they found out that she had both brain and lung cancer. A woman of perfect health all her life, and never a smoker, Blanca fell ill fast. She began chemo and radiation immediately. It helped a bit, but nothing was going to cure her. We knew that from the beginning. Mary's been by her side day and night, waiting on her mother hand and foot, doing whatever it took. She was able to take her mom home to Honduras a couple months ago to visit with family and say her goodbye's. It made her feel so good to be able to grant that last wish for her dying mom. About a month ago, she got worse and doctors stopped all treatments, advising her to just let the cancer take its course. From what I understand this last month has been extremely difficult. Mary sat and watched her mom die, she watched her take her last breath. And today, she gave word that her mom had finally found some peace. Please say a prayer for Mary.... she's an only child and her mom was her world. She's got many friends that are rallying for her right now, but we need her to understand that she is not alone in the least.

Originally I was going to post about me not feeling well, but that seems so insignificant at the moment....

Public Service Announcement

2006-11-28T08:03:00.000-08:00

I, Jessica Sotier, on this day, am forfeiting my rights and abilities to commute from Wildomar, CA to Carlsbad, CA. It is in the best interest of myself and other drivers on the road that I not continue on with this commute. In more ways than one, this horrendous drive is a hazard to my health. Several examples may include:

*Getting up at 5:30 am to make it to work by 8 am is just rediculous. Especially being that I do not sleep any longer (I just toss and turn all night). When you put an extremely exhausted and delerious person behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, you run a high risk of said driver fighting to keep her eyes open and focused on the road ahead.

*Sitting in 2.5 hours of traffic each day is not only physically but mentally exhausting and may result in extreme cases of road rage, often involving many loud and obnoxious profanities being shouted at the moving (or not moving) vehicles surrounding said driver. Please excuse her behavior, especially if you may have small children in your vehicle. (Although, if you do have small children in your vehicle, you should not be driving like a complete asshole in the first place, but that is another story.)

There are several more examples to assist in supporting my case, but I'm too exhausted to think at the moment.

Man, do I wish I could sign this one and turn it in to someone who cares.... :rolleyes:

I quit!

2006-11-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

I'm done.
I can't take anymore.
I don't want to be a grown up any longer.
I don't want any more bills, no more disconnect notices!

I just want to come home and know that my house is gonna be here, my electricity is gonna be on, my water and gas....

I just can't take it anymore.

And the worst part is knowing that that FUCKER is going about his life, living it up, all bills paid, food in his fridge, gas in his cars, heat, water, electricity, still spoiling his kids. Doesn't have collectors calling him all hours of the day wondering where their payments are. No care in the world that he has ruined me financially. No care.

Karma's a bitch dude and you will get what you deserve.

Getting ready for Christmas!

2006-11-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone.... Had a great holiday dinner with Johnny's family. My poor mom has been battling a stomach bug for almost a month now and wasn't able to make it.... Hopefully she's on the road to recovery finally, just as Christmas starts to roll around.

It's been nice having the last 3 days off with my Honey. We decided to use a really beautiful artificial tree this year, rather than a real tree. Growing up, I always had artificial trees, so I vowed to have a real tree every year as an adult. But, with money being so tight, Johnny's dad offered us his artificial, which we decided was a great idea. Set the tree up on Friday night and spent the entire evening decorating it. We had a great time putting together our first christmas tree together.

Saturday we spent decorating the rest of the house, Johnny climbed up on the roof to put the lights up, cleaned up the house a bit.... So nice to just have quality time together. Pulled the couch bed out and had a fire going in the fireplace and fell asleep out in the warm living room.... Loved every minute of it. Love making memories like that. Still need to get pictures of the outside of the house, but here are a couple from the other night and of the tree...

Our first christmas together begins....

A year ago today....

2006-11-22T10:51:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that it's been a whole year since I had to put my little lion to rest.... I miss him so much and think of him all the time. And there's always a tear in my eye when I realize that he really is gone....

I miss having him climb all over the laundry, getting in my way while I'm trying to fold.

I miss him sitting in the middle of the kitchen every night crying out, just to make sure everyone's tucked in.

I miss him sitting in the kitchen window squeeking at the birds and fly's.

I miss his furry little body, leaving hair everywhere he went....

I miss my Simba.

Rest in peace my little lion.

identity crisis

2006-11-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

so i was at work, and someone asked my last name.... i hesitated. because it's not really my name anymore. it belongs to someone else. but yet i still continue to go by it and be identified by it, but that's no longer the person i am.... that was me many moons ago.....

when my divorce is final, i won't be going back to my maiden name because i have no ties to my father or his side of the family. it's not a name that i choose to take on and be identified by....

and soon after my divorce, i hope to be taking on a new name.... a name that i'd be proud to carry and represent...... i can't wait to become mrs. john fappiano. :D i can't wait to carry the right name...

Yay for updates!

2006-11-01T06:43:00.000-08:00

Randomness at it's finest.... :p

1. I'm still alive! Sorry for such the long delay between posts.... Just so crazy busy and tired by the time I get home. It's dark now in the evenings when I pull up in the driveway :o(

2. I have some absolutely amazing friends and family. Without you all, Johnny and I would not have been able to financially survive these last couple months.... Thanks to many people, we've managed to keep the roof over our heads (avoiding foreclosure!), bills paid (no collectors calling!) and food in our fridge. For that, from the bottom of our hearts, more than we can even begin to express, we are so eternally grateful.

3. Work is picking up. I still hate the commute but at least I'm being properly trained right now and actually working and doing the duties that I was brought on to do.... If anything, it's more experience under my belt. Still looking for something closer to home and hopefully in time, I'll find just the right position.

4. My birthday's coming up! Yay..... As a little present to myself, I'm going to go scrap with Toni on Friday the 17th at Pink Pineapple. And, I will make it to midnight this time!! :p Saturday the 18th is my actual birthday, which I'll be spending with Johnny. :o) And maybe Sunday we might get together with friends. Who knows.... But, I'm gonna be 25! Where does time go?!

5. I've been scrapping a little here and there.... I've uploaded all but the latest 2, and you can find them in my gallery over on SJ.

6. Trying to get ideas for my Christmas cards.... I want to get started on them soon so that I can get them out in the mail by the beginning of December. Decided that I'm not going to hand-make every single one this year. I'll be hand making several for those family and friends that are closest to us, then I've bought some really pretty cards for the rest of our circle.... So, please don't feel bad if you don't get a handmade card. I know that I made 40+ cards last year and I'm sure that the majority of them got thrown away. Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates the time and energy that we put into our craft. :o(

7. Jessie's pregnant!!!! No, not me, Jessie on SJ.... Isn't that the best news in the world? They've been trying for over a year (is it close to 2 years?) and after numerous procedures not taking, she made the big announcement last Friday that this latest procedure took and she's having a baby!! WOOOHOOO!!!!!!

8. I know there's more.... I sit in the car on my way to work and home again and write this blog over and over in my head, so I know I'm missing something..... But I've gotta get on the road. So, I'll just try to remember what it was and come back and update later.....

Love you all!

Not much to say

2006-10-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to make a new post since it's been over a week. But not much to say. Not much going on. Dealing with the same crap I've been dealing with for months. Trying to sort my head out and not get lost in my emotions. Not feeling myself lately. But, that's a whole nother story that I don't want to get into right now....

Love you guys and thanks for checking up on me. Sorry to be so down. I'm working on putting the smile back on my face. I promise. Just give me some time.

An update of sorts

2006-10-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

It's gonna be a long one.... Got some things to talk about and some pictures to post....

*took today off from work as I was trying to get into the dr regarding some girlie issues I'm having. Called and talked to the nurse practitioner and she explained that what I'm experiencing is completely normal for someone who has had such a fluctuation in estrogen (missed 2 pills, was told to make up for them and skip my placebos, so in the last 2.5 weeks I've been spotting, had a heavy period, severe cramps and backache). Basically, don't come in. Just continue taking the 800mg Ibuprofen that I've been living on for the last 2 weeks.... Completely normal. Sure lady. (I feel terrible bc the crazy dip in my estrogen has my hormones raging and I've been really uneven and emotional lately and Johnny's on the receiving end of it.... He's said that he's gonna hunt her down if this doesn't go away soon)

*spent yesterday with Johnny and some friends helping them pack up their house and move. Got started late and we didn't get home till 2am. And, my poor Johnny's moving couches and beds and everything else with possibly 2 broken ribs.

* the broken ribs are a result of us horse playing. Last weekend had my brother and his fiance over, and had been drinking. Johnny thought it would be fun to tickle me and wrestle me to the ground. We ended up falling to the floor and he cushioned my fall, but I got him in the upper chest with my shoulder and we heard a couple loud pops. He's been in quite a bit of pain ever since and lately has been having a hard time breathing. He's not allowing himself any time to heal (as you know, you can't do anything for broken ribs) and has continued wrenching (mechanic term, sorry) and now moving our friends. Needless to say he's in lots of pain.

*brother and fiance were over last weekend. Went to Disneyland. Johnny's first trip in years. Didn't make it to California Adventures like we had planned, we got caught up in Disney too long, and then by the time we got done eating, California was closing. I've already decided that when I have to renew my annual pass in December, I'm gonna get him a pass too. Had a great time on the rides, took lots of pictures, and really just enjoyed the time together. My brother and I had been planning this trip for ages and it finally happened. And I love that my Johnny could be there with me. Love making new memories together.

*Some pictures.....

*well, since I'm off today, I'm going to be constructive and possibly scrap a bit. Been wanting to, just not much time in the evenings after work. Have some ideas in my head that I've been dying to get out onto paper. And I'm gonna go take my honey some lunch so he doesn't starve. Miss being able to do that on a regular basis - being able to take my lunch and get away and visit with him when I was having a bad day.

*and, the job's going good. I'm catching on, learning the ropes. Still not happy about the drive. But in all, it's okay.... Now, if we could just find my timecard that they lost so I can get the paycheck I was supposed to have on Friday..... (if it's not one thing, it's another)

Life lately.....

2006-09-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

So.... Today would be day 5 at my temp position with Wells Fargo, although I did call in sick because I'm not feeling well. Some days it just sucks to be a girl.... The job is going well and there will probably be an opportunity for me to be hired on full time at the end of my temping, although I'm not sure that's something I'm really wanting to do. If I can't find anything closer to home in the meantime, then I guess I'll be taking it. Maybe down the road I'll be able to transfer closer to home, who knows. I'll be starting my training this week to get me acclamated to all the new things I'll be doing. I'm a bit nervous, but hopefully I'll catch on quick. I guess the main thing is that I feel like I'm totally doing something that I don't want to do, but I don't have much choice at the moment.... Bills are stacking up like crazy and I don't have any idea of when I'll be getting my money from my jerk ex-boss. I called today and he had absolutely no care in the world that he hasn't payed me, nor has no idea of when he'll have a check for me. I got pretty rude with him, but not nearly enough.... I wanna just scream because I feel so fucked and he doesn't even care. I can't pay my bills, the electricity's already been shut off once and we owe 2000 to just the electric company and I can't pay it, so I just keep calling asking them to put it off for a bit longer but I don't know how long they'll keep doing that..... I just feel really overwhelmed and stressed..... I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like I can't breath. I just want things to go back to normal and not have to worry about how I'm going to pay the next bill.

K, sorry, got off on a tangent there.... I'm just ready for things to get better.... I haven't been able to get on the computer much with all of my working and commuting, so I'm going through withdrawls of SJ and MySpace... Plus I'm not having much time to do things that I want to do, let alone keep on top of the house. Life's just been crazy..... :o(

My first day

2006-09-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

I'm a cube dweller once again.... It went okay, a little long, but it's gonna take me a while to get back into the routine. I'll probably start my training in the next week or so, once things slow down (the mortgage business gets crazy busy at the end of the month, trying to close as much as possible and meet all deadlines). Until then, I'm doing little busy work - verifying employement, sending disclosure packages and routing all faxes (there's actually a guy that his entire job is to maintain all the incoming faxes!!)....

I like everyone so far, they all seem very nice and very welcoming. My new team is very excited to have me - they're inundated with loans and can't wait until I'm trained and begin underwritting loans as well. I'm nervous because it's something new, but in the same, I'm kinda excited. Still not excited about the commute - just over an hour each way today. Friday will be the worst getting home. But, the position seems like it has potential to be permanent - I'm replacing a lady that went out on maternity leave and she'll be returning in November but not returning to this team. Not sure why, I didn't ask. So it seems that they're needing someone full time and permanent, which is definitely a good thing. I just need to ask myself if I really want to commit to commuting again. I did it for 3 years and it really wears on you, your car, your time with your loved ones..... I don't know if I can handle all that stress again.

But, the bills are getting scary and I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel yet.... I'm looking forward to that day. This is just a mere step towards that light. We've got a long ways to go....

Just a couple more

2006-09-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

Forgot to include one, and then I got 2 more pages done today. Was on quite a roll. Love having the time to scrap!

I've been scrappin, again!!

2006-09-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

With this downtime, I've been able to get in my room and get some things done. I've decided to take a test-run on some cards and post them on ebay and see what happens. Hopefully I'll be able to make a little money there. Have yet to post them, so I need to get on the ball. Anyways, just wanted to post some of the layouts I've gotten done over the last week. Went and cropped with Toni and got 4 pages done that night, then 2 in the last 2 days, plus lots of cards! Wooohooo!!!

Update, finally!

2006-09-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Job-wise:
Heard from the temp agency I applied with last Thursday. They've gotten the approval to place me with Wells Fargo down in Carlsbad. They're just waiting on my background check to come in. Having mixed feelings about this placement as I've interviewed with WF myself a couple years ago and was not too pleased with the situation I was approached with. Hopefully things will be different this time around. Either way, I'm taking it because we need the money and I'll just continue to look for something closer to home in the meantime.

Life-wise:
Still sick. Nasty. Tired. Coughing. Headache. We went to Mom's yesterday to hang out and I ended up with a monster headache half way through the day. Had to sleep it off in mom's room. I felt so bad, but what can you do? And my Johnny took a little nap with me, which is always nice. Poor thing though, he ended up sick by the end of the night with some sort of stomach thing and after dropping my sister off at home, he had to lay down in the back seat for the rest of the drive home. I can't wait till we're both back to 100%. I just hate being sick.

I've been trying to be constructive with my time off. I've managed to do some of the deep cleaning that my house so desperately needed. Steamed the carpets, getting caught up on the laundry. And, I even managed to scrap with Toni last Friday night, which was tons of fun. I'll have to do that more often with her, she's a hoot and such a great person to be around.

Thats about it. Gotta get back to my cleaning. I"ll be sure to keep everyone updated on the job dealie as I find out more.

The last of 'em

2006-09-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

This is the last of the pics from my Michigan trip. These are of Ruthann and I as we wandered around Grand Rapids. I loved these little statues. Apparantly it was a special feature and there were 13 of them placed throughout downtown for you to find. We found maybe 5 of 6 of them, but this was by far the cutest!! Oh, and the picture of Ruthann, lol!! We came across this big button and she thought it was moveable, so I caught her trying to spin it :p And the last picture is of the best ever deep dish Chicago pizza place.... so if you're in Chicago, you've gotta stop there and get a pizza! I'm drooling just thinking about it.... Ruthann even loved it and she's not a big pizza fan. That says something, right there!!

More Pictures II

2006-08-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

Some more pics that I've been editing from the MI trip. Still more to come, lol!!

Oh, and thanks to Jessica Porter, I now know how to put borders and my signature around my photos! **yay**

This one is a church in Chicago.... The building in the background is distracting, but I really liked the angle and the ivy covering the front of the church.

This is the Caulder..... It's really named something else, but the local residents of Grand Rapids call it this.... Just a neat structure in the middle of downtown.

I've been scrappin!!

2006-08-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty good about the latest pages I've created.... Feel like maybe I've found my groove, but I don't want to jinx myself just yet, so don't tell anyone, lol!!

Here are the pages that I completed while at the crop in Michigan, and then a couple that I've done since I've been home!

This is baby Jack.... He's Amy's son and I finally got to meet him at the crop in Michigan.... Amy gave me a copy of this photo (which I had to scrap!) because I bought this outfit for Jack just after he was born, in anticipation of him being able to wear it for the 4th of July.... And, he was the perfect size to wear it for the holiday and here's the proof....

And, I'll be creating a mini-book to cover my trip .... So I'm excited to start getting pictures developed and gathering some of our funny, crazy moments in Michigan....

So I've been a busy girl.... Hopefully the creativity keeps flowing, I like being able to get in my room and just create. I'm trying to decide if I want to start making cards and possibly selling them, but it seems that the cards I'm making now feel forced, like they have to be awesome so that they're sell-able.... It's still just an idea at this point, so we'll see.... :o)

Oscar's Challenge

2006-08-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

1. What was your favorite summer event? going to MI!!

2. Favorite picture of the summer? the b&w photo in my previous post - the one of the church window

3. Favorite movie of the summer? never made it to the theater this summer, and i can't think of any movies that really stood out to me that i rented either....

4. Best song of the summer? the one that is constantly stuck in my head is Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry

5. Did you go on vacation, where? yep, Michigan - got to meet so many SJ girls and i had a blast!!

A few pictures

2006-08-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

I promised photos.... And I have so many more to go through. But these are some that I've edited so far. Just some random pictures from our little adventures sight-seeing around Grand Rapids, MI.

This is Ruthann's mom's glass studio. If you are ever in Lowell, MI, you must go! She's got so much neat stuff and it's just a great set-up. I'll have more pics from inside her studio once I get them edited. She was nice enough to let me photograph some of the pieces she was selling.... :D

Some silk flowers that were in a corner of the studio....

A church that we found in downtown Grand Rapids..... I love old churches and old buildings, such a history and story behind them. And they don't make structures as beautiful and elegant as they used to!!

The Gerald R. Ford Museum in Grand Rapids.

This second shot is of an amercian bald eagle statue also outside of the museum. I'm loving the reflections I caught in the window!

I haven't gone through and edited many of the crop photos as of yet. Still need to do that and get them uploaded for printing, but for all of you MI girls, I'm having some difficulties with Winkflash. I get half way through the process and it boots me.... Not sure what I'm doing wrong, but hang in there, I'll get them uploaded, I promise!!

Back in Cali!

2006-08-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

I'm home, alive and well.... Took another day off work to catch up on some much needed sleep, unpacking, cleaning up a bit, just settling in back at home.

I managed to take quite a few pics of the crop as well as doing some sight-seeing, so I'm working on sorting through them and playing with them a bit.... I'll have them uploaded here soon.

And don't forget to check out my photos over at DeviantArt. There's a link over on my sidebar..... I tend to upload there before anywhere else.....

Well, that's it for now.

Leavin... on a jet plane.....

2006-08-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

But I do know when I'll be back!! Not sure that I'll have time to post before heading to the airport tomorrow, so here's just a little quicky update.

I'm all packed and ready to go! Super duper excited!! Can't wait :D Just going over a few things in my head that I need to remember to pack. I'm hoping I don't forget anything too important.

Going out for Sushi tonight with Johnny.... I thought it'd be nice to go out to dinner together since I'm leaving for a week. So gonna miss him. I'm sure he'll stay busy out in the garage playing with the bike or the mustang.... He's thinking about polishing the wheels on the bike, so that will for sure keep him busy if he takes that on. And, I'm sure he'll be out in Hemet a couple nights..... So glad that he's willing to take care of the babies for me too.... I love that he loves them like I do :D

And, the day I get back is our 3 month mark.... Man, time sure flies. Crazy to think that it's been 3 months already, which also means that he's been living with me for over 2 months.... I love having him there with me, going to bed together, waking up together, knowing that our evenings are spent together (usually in the kitchen cooking then watching tv or a movie).... I like our routines. It's so awesome that things have just worked out so perfectly.... I'm so happy!!

Okay girls, I'm ready for Michigan. I'm ready to get on that plane and meet Ruthann in Chicago. I'm ready for the many hours that we're gonna spend gabbing away in the car on the road. I'm ready to meet all you crazy ladies. I'm ready for my crown. And, I'm definitely ready for a drink!!

Michigan, here we come! :D

T minus 3 days and counting!

2006-08-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Yep, 3 days..... It just snuck up on me (well, not really - I've been looking forward to this trip since the day we booked our tickets!!) Michigan won't know what's hit it by the time we're all through!

Packed yesterday. Just have to toss my makeup bag and toothbrush in and I'm set! Won't be carrying anything on with me except my purse, iPod, and camera bag.... Everything else will be checked in with my luggage. Leaving my laptop at home. Even packed my scrap supplies, the little bit that I'm taking.... Just bringing the essentials - the rest I'll buy as I scrap.

Gonna miss J.... He's gonna be so lost without me (his words exactly). I wish he were able to get Thursday off so he could go with me to the airport, but it's okay... we'll just have to say our goodbye's in the morning.... And then I'll be home late Tuesday night - can't wait to see him (and I haven't even left yet, goodness!!)

Now, if these next couple days would just hurry up and go, I'll be a happy girl! Nothing planned for tonight, but tomorrow, J wants to take me somewhere - on a drive to somewhere he used to love going.... Excited about that. And, Wednesday after work, I have a hair appt... No idea what I'm gonna look like when I get to MI - it'll be a surprise to everyone :D

Is it Thursday yet?!?!?

Quick Update

2006-08-08T16:06:00.000-07:00

Not a lot going on, but thought I'd share just the couple little things...

*have a job interview scheduled for Friday at 9am... cross your fingers for me, I need this now more than ever

*got a new garbage disposal... and my honey is awesome and installed it this morning... next up is the microwave!

*Johnny's doing awesome at work, and the new owners are rockin! he's getting a raise, and will be going on a different pay schedule.... completley works in his favor - if he exceeds the minimum that they've set for him, then he gets 12% off of every job he does.... that could be some seriously good money (which we definitely need!)

*only 8 days till I'm leaving for MI.... I can't wait, getting more and more excited every day. Nervous about leaving him (nervous meaning I'm gonna miss him and I know he's gonna be incredibly bored - I'm sure he'll be driving to Hemet a lot)

*I want new ink!!! went with him and his friends on Sunday to go get their kanji for 'family' on their backs.... turned out awesome.... totally jealous that he got new ink and i didn't..... gonna have to start saving up and get some designs together so I can get some done!

So that's it... Please, please, please keep me in your thoughts on Friday!! This is HUGE!!

I Cherish You

2006-08-04T12:13:00.000-07:00

These are some of the things I love about my Johnny....

(Thank you Les for the idea!!)

1. even when I'm down and out, he helps me focus on the positive
2. he loves me for who I am and doesn't try to change me
3. he constantly puts a smile on my face, and nothing makes him happier than to see me smile
4. he is tells me so many times a day how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, and how truly lucky he is.
5. he is the most amazing cook!
6. he wants nothing more than to take care of me forever
7. he loves my crazy animals (most days :p)
8. he has the most amazing heart and soul
9. he can do anything that he puts his mind to
10. he calls my mom "Mom"
11. he isn't afraid to speak his mind and stand up for himself (something that I need to learn)
12. we fit so perfectly together and he loves all the same things I do... even the cheesy 80's love songs
13. he believes in me
14. he wants to marry me and have babies with me
15. he loves to spoon and cuddle on the couch when we're watching movies
16. he doesn't judge or criticize me for anything I say or do
17. he has the softest lips and I can't get enough of his kisses
18. he is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy
19. he's a total smart ass and is constantly cracking me up!!
20. he's a goof... and we can be goofy together and be complete wierdos and it's okay
21. i love that he touches my face so soft when he's looking at me.... and the way he rubs the back of my head when we're hugging... and all the cute little nicknames he has for me that he likes to jumble all together into one long name..... and the way he makes little puppy dog noises when he's squeezing me tight.....

ah.... I love him!!

A Constant Battle

2006-08-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

I had a realization last night... Something I've always known that I struggle with, but I want so eagerly for it to be fixed..... I have absolutely no belief in myself.

Johnny complimented me on a couple photos that I had taken, telling me that I have a good eye..... But my first reaction was to say "Oh, it was just a lucky shot".

No matter what it is, or what I'm doing, I don't believe that I'm good at anything. It doesn't matter what it is. Scrapbooking, photography, anything I do.... I don't think I can do any of it well. As much as I aspire to be good at it all, and as much as I'm told that I do it all well.... I don't believe it.

And I don't take compliments well. He tells me constantly how beautiful I am, how lucky he is, how amazing I am.... I don't believe any of it. Not for a second. Why? I don't know.... I hate not being receptive to the sweet things that he says.... I believe that he's saying them from the bottom of his heart and means every word that comes out of his mouth. But I just don't see it in myself.

I hate it.... I hate that I don't see what you guys all see.... I hate that I can't truly love something that I do..... I hate that I can't look at myself and say that I'm beautiful. I want that confidence but don't know how to get it. And I hate that.....

I'm bored today

2006-08-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

I know that I need to update, but there's just not much going on... So, how about another random post...

*getting excited for my MI trip! going over all the things that I need to remember to pack (you know, all those little things that you forget - like toothpaste, your toothbrush and hairbrush, stuff like that)

*gonna miss Johnny for those 6 days... think I'm gonna bring one of his t-shirts to sleep in :D

*feeling better today after waking up with a migraine yesterday....

*got a cd full of pics from a friend that was busy snapping away at Johnny's birthday party Saturday... he got a couple good ones of me, so I think I'm gonna play with those tonight and maybe post a few

*Neeners got the job!!! congratulations girl, we're so excited for you! hope you got to go out and celebrate last night!

*I'm happy, I'm in love, life is good!!

Happy Happy Day!

2006-07-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

Randomness....

*2 more days till Johnny's birthday. Was kinda stressing because things weren't falling together as planned, but it's all good, and it's turning out just fine and we'll have a great time! Pictures will most likely follow next week.

*Kim's coming to Cali!! That's right, Kim Turpin is making her way from Canada to Vegas next January/February with her dh, and they've decided that since they're gonna be in the states they'd take a trip to Anaheim and visit some of the SJ ladies. Happens to be the week of CHA, so CP's gonna be in town... I get to meet more Jazzers and I'm so excited! Ruthann might come out too.... Fun times!

*Cross your fingers girls!!! Was chatting with a gf today and saying my goodbye's (she's moving to Texas) and as we were standing there talking, a co-worker of hers happened to walk by and she introduced us and jokingly asked him if he was looking for a processor (back to the mortgage industry)... I gave him my number and he stated "You'll definitely be hearing from me" WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

*Finally getting my account set up on DeviantArt. Johnny's been a member there for quite some time and he's been pushing me to set myself up, but I couldn't come up with a good user name for me, so I kept putting it off. Last night he decided to just do it for me and get me started.... So I've got one picture up, need to go through and upload some more. But the link is on my sidebar, so be sure to go have a look... I'm sure you've seen most of them anyways, I usually share here and on SJ. But it's a cool site, have a look around!

*Neen, keeping my fingers crossed hun, be sure to update us as you hear! And for Lindi too.... She's got an offer on the house finally, hoping that it goes through, they definitely need to get that baby sold!!

*And the best ever news yet - Caitlin is home!! I'm so excited for her to be home with her family after all this time... Welcome home Caitlin!!!

You guys are awesome!!

2006-07-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

I can't ever say enough how much I appreciate you all.... The love and support that I've received from so many of you in the last year has been incredible and I couldn't ask for a better group of friends.

I think it's funny how people can look at me and say "You've never met those people irl, how are they your friends?!" but you guys really are like a second family to me.... And it's hard to explain to someone how it works.....

I've been very blessed with the relationships I've made through ScrapJazz and can't tell you guys enough how much you rock!

That's my piece for the day *muah*

When it rains, it pours!

2006-07-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

Why does everything seem to happen all at once?? I don't know how much more I can take.... Honestly....

I went back to the courthouse on Friday to file what I thought was the last of my paperwork. I was wrong. The clerk informed me that I'm just starting. She remembers assisting David when he was there on Wednesday filing his portion of the paperwork and says that because he filed his response (as we were told to do by another clerk) that basically he contests the divorce as I have laid it out.... In no way, shape, or form does he contest this divorce. We agree 110% on the entire thing and just want to get this done. Now, I'm going to have to go back to the courthouse (again, for a 6th time and 6 day off work) and try and be first in line to sit and talk with the free attorney there (it's a first come, first serve basis) and have him go over another packet of forms that I need to fill out since we've gone in the wrong direction. I'm not sure if we can un-do what has already been done and get back the extra $335 filing fee that David was told to pay (which is all wrong!) Basically, if David wouldn't have responded to my inital set of forms that he were served with, his 30 days would have come and gone and the courts would have assumed that he agreed with everything and they would start our 6 month count-down.... So it's all screwed up.

Then, we got the electric bill on Saturday and it's higher than it's ever been before.... Almost $600. We've pinpointed it to the actual air conditioning unit. It's been making some wierd noises off and on and hasn't been keeping the house as cool as normal.... It seems to be working much harder to put off the cool air. I'm sure it's repairable, but it just frustrates me because I paid a couple hundred dollars last year to repair it, and seems I'm going to have to do the same again this year.

I'm still having issues with payroll here at work. I'm keeping my eyes open for other jobs, but there's just not much available out here. And what is available isn't going to pay me near enough to make ends meet. Did I mention that I have no more savings account? Yea, I had to drain that in order to pay the mortgage last month..... I'm owed 3 checks still from work here. I'm supposed to be getting a check sometime this week, but I have no idea how much it will be for....

And, with all the trips to the courthouse in the last month and a half, I've taken 5 days off of work. Fortunately, he hasn't docked my pay yet (who knows what will happen in the future when I actually receive my pay). But I have a trip planned to Michigan next month which requires me to take 4 days off of work. I've already purchased my plane ticket and I'm really looking forward to this trip... But at this point, I've taken so much time off of work, and I know I'm really pushing my limits. Not to mention that I really don't have the money for the trip anymore....

And of course, with all the stress, my psoriasis has really started acting up. My hands are blistered and sore.... I just want to cry....

eta: my mom just called. she talked to a friend of hers who talked to his lawyer. seems that maybe we've done everything correctly. but in 6 months when all is said and done, in order to complete all of this.... i have to pay another $400 for a Final Dissolution of Marraige.

Now I'm crying.....

I Scrapped!!

2006-07-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

Yay... slowly getting my mojo back.... doing something a little different, pushing my limits but having fun all at the same time....

Taking my foot outta my mouth now....

2006-07-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

Alrighty then... He's got a girlfriend. That explains the song choices (not so much as to why he stole my song, then proceeds to use "our" song for her, but hey, it's okay!) Good for him, happy that he's moving on. Maybe then things won't feel so awkward..... Just hope he can really truly move on in the same way that I have.

In other news.... Sitting at work bored today. Was gonna post on Oscar's blog (since I'm a guest blogger and all....) but I completley forgot her password. Thought I had it memorized, but I must have typed it in wrong because it didn't find her page. Ooopsies. She's due back from vacation at the end of the week and Neen has blogged twice and I haven't done a single one yet.... I really suck. Oscar, I'm sorry hun!!

Meeting my honey for lunch today.... I always look forward to that. :D Alrighty kids, that's about it for me.... I'm off to find somethign to occupy my time!

Frustrations!!

2006-07-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

Grrrrrr!!!! Okay... I thought things were going well between D and I.... that he was going to be totally cool with the situation - the divorce, me being with Johnny.... but he's doing these little things that are just driving J and I crazy! And I'm not sure what's going on.... I feel like he's dropping these little hints thinking that I'm gonna change my mind, and I'm sure as hell not!!! Seriously.... If this stuff happened to you, what would you think?! Like for instance:

1. On myspace, I had my song listed as John Legend's "Stay With You"... it's a love song and I have it there for Johnny.... D messaged me that he liked my song and then decided to list it as his song on his page too.... wierd.

2. I go to his page today and it's Brad Paisley's "Little Moments" which was our song... wierd and bothersome.

3. He posts a blog about how much it hurts to see the person you love with someone else, to know that you want them and love them and they don't feel the same way.... Fucker, this was your idea. And I'm happy.... I'm not changing my mind.

Dude.... seriously.... it's really starting to bug. And I sure as hell don't want Johnny thinking that D's pulling this stuff and I'm gonna change my mind... I can't tell him enough how happy I am and that even if J wasn't in the picture and D came back, begging... I wouldn't do it... He wanted this, so he has to deal with the consequences.... But it's really starting to bother me that he's doing little things like that.... Am I outta line?!

I am SOOOO jealous!

2006-07-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

Seriously... for those of you that don't know who Kim and Morgan are... You really need to go over to her page and check them out.... He's the cutest baby ever and I'm sooooo jealous!! I love him, and it doesn't help that Kim just rocks those pictures and pages of him! I just wanna squeeze him!!!!

Kim - I am so coming up to Canada to meet you guys!!!

A to Z

2006-07-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

A to Z about me.....

A: apple pie: my favorite to have with thanksgiving dinner (dutch apple all the way!)
B: babies: i can't wait to have them and be a mommy!
C: cooking: i love to cook and be in the kitchen with johnny
D: drums: i've always wanted to learn how to play the drums
E: excited: i'm so excited to be going to michigan next month
F: friends and family: they're most important in my life
G: grown-up: extremely grown-up and mature for my age
H: happy: i'm finally happy with life and filled with hope for my future
I: immpatient: i have absolutely no patience and it drives me (and everyone around me) crazy
J: johnny: :D need i say more?!
K: kisses: i love his kisses and can't get enough (okay, i'll stop before you start to gag!)
L: love: its the best feeling in the world to know you're loved for who you are
M: money: i could always use more of it!!
N: new zealand: i cannot wait to go there and see neen again!
O: orangutans: my fav animal at the zoo
P: perky: i hate overly perky people.... like cheerleaders... they get on my nerves!!
Q: quiet: i'm quiet at first, until i get to know you... then i don't shut up
R: ready: ready to start scrappin again.... mojo, come back!
S: scrapjazz: the best website in the world, filled with some amazing ladies!!
T: tired: what i am right now.... i need a nap
U:
V:
W: wealthy: i'm wealthy in friends
X:
Y:
Z:

okay.... i can't come up with ones for those last couple letters.... suggestions?

Random Stuff

2006-07-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

Haven't had one of these in a while, so here it goes....

*Friday is my brother's 22nd birthday but he'll be out at the Padre game with his fiance and friends, so tonight, the family's getting together down in San Diego and going out for some awesome chinese food! I've been craving this restaurant for months, and we're finally going!!!

*I've been driving Johnny's Mustang for the last couple days and I'm loving his car.... Mostly because it's not my beater Honda, but I especially love that he trusts me to take it.... From what I understand, only a handful of people have been privledged enough to drive his baby, and I'm the first that he's allowed to actually take it on the freeway.... So he must truly love me! :p

*My ear's still bothering me a bit. Not too painful, unless I put pressure on that side of my face. Still a little swollen, but overall I'm okay.

*Just a little over a month till Michigan and I CAN'T WAIT!!!! Gonna miss my honey for 6 long days, but I'm really looking forward to hanging out with some of you crazy ladies (and I'm terrified of this crown that Cheri and I are joking about!!)

*sidenote: for those of you that do not frequent SJ, I have been crowned the Queen Pervert and Cheri has decided that I need a crown... And I'll be meeting her in Michigan, so.... I'm a little scared I'll be receiving a crown with an appendage on it.... :p

*I've been asked to be a guest blogger on Oscar's site while she's away on vacation for 2 weeks... And Neen has already made her entry.... now it's my turn. But I have nothing exciting to report.... any ideas?!

*And finally - I've lost my mojo... anyone seen it? Can you send it back to Wildomar please?? I need it.... I sit in my scrap room staring at all of my lovely papers and chipboards and paints and oodles of ribbons.... and nothing.... I have no desire to create. I've tried to put a couple cards together and get frustrated and end up ripping them apart or just walking away.... still nothing. Maybe I need to get some new pics printed off and start on "our" book.... maybe then I'll be a little more into it.... just maybe....

Alrighty ya'll.... that's it for me today.... Thanks for checking in on me... Luv Ya!!!

Life is going good!

2006-07-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously you guys.... I feel at such peace right now, it's really awesome.

David came by last night and dropped his signed papers off at the house. It went surprisingly well. Of course, Johnny was there and they got to meet, which went really good. They talked bike, D caught me up on all that's going on in his life, he played with the dogs, it went really well. Johnny was asking him about an issue we're having with the lawn mower and told him that he hopes he doesn't mind that he's kinda taking over the house and duties like that.... David looked him in the eye and held out his hand and thanked him for taking care of me.... I swear I wanted to break down in tears right there. Overall, he stayed about an hour, the 3 of us talking. When he left, they shook hands again, D told Johnny to take care of me, and then he hugged me goodbye....

This morning I asked David if it was awkward for him or if he was just being polite, but he said no, it was all real. He just wants to see me happy, and he can see that Johnny brings that out in me. I guess it's kinda nice that things went so well - kinda gave me a peace of mind. Anyways, he signed all the divorce papers as well as the inerspousal deed to the house... Now to get it all filed.

Things are going good.... I'm glad that it's all turned out to be very civil and that all is peaceful.

4th of July Weekend

2006-07-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a safe and memorable weekend... I did. I honestly couldn't ask for a better group of friends, old and new!! I reconnected with an old high school friend this weekend and it was so great to catch up with her.... We reminisced over old memories and created some new ones, she had her industrial done while at my house this weekend, and she fit right in with the rest of us and wasn't scared off by my friend's crazy antics....

Had a bbq on Sunday and had everyone over to the house. Had a great time, other than feeling a bit sick from the heat and being a little hung-over. Got to meet Johnny's sister Renae who is just so sweet and I can't wait to get to know her more. And his niece is just the cutest, although I can see I'm gonna have to win her over because she's very protective of her uncle Johnny. I got sequestered a couple times when I called him 'honey' or hugged him or anything like that.... it's too cute that they're so close.

Monday, my mom served D with his divorce papers. He seemed a bit surprised, but took it very well. He emailed me and seemed completely okay with it and explained that he has no problem signing the house over to me (yay!!!). Looks like this might be civil after all.... Went out to dinner with my mom to celebrate and ran into another friend from high school.... I think I had a mini-reunion this weekend.... Too funny, but nice to see old friends.

Our 4th of July was extremely fun. Went to Canyon Lake and sat on the beach with everyone, barbecued, played in the water a lot (just about the time you dried off, you'd have to jump back in because it was so hot) and I managed not to get sunburned!! Can't say the same for Johnny though - he's a little red, but nothing too bad. The fireworks were a bit disappointing - the music ended before the actual finale was shot off, and the entire show was delayed several times because the boats were too close to where they were shooting the fireworks from.....

All in all, it was a great day and I had lots of fun. I do have an ear-ache from being in the water so much, and I'm pretty tired from being in the sun all day, so I'm looking forward to going home and kciking back for the evening with my honey..... But it's a short week, and the weekend will be here before you know it!!

Had a Dream Last Night

2006-07-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

And it's really bothering me this morning.... I don't normally remember my dreams, but this one stuck with me so vividly....

I dreamt that I came home from work to find D parked in the driveway. He informed me that he was here to pick up a couple things. I tried to convince him that he'd already picked up all of his stuff and there was nothing left here for him, but he would not back down.

I walked to the front door and unlocked the security door. I then fumble with my keys to find the key to the interior door, and he decides to go ahead and unlock the door himself (this is the key that I did not change - so he still does have this key irl). He pushes his way past me and walks in the house. I immediately get nervous because Johnny's things are strewn about the house - his guitar specifically..... which D immediately spots and starts questioning whose it is. Then he picks it up and starts playing with it. And I know that Johnny would start breaking fingers if he ever saw D touch his guitar!!

I'm standing in the middle of the living room trying to convince him that there's nothing here of his for him to pick up (mind you, he brought the bike, so how would he transport anything?) but he refuses to leave. Then I see an older red truck pull up into the driveway (it looks just like D's shop truck at work) and Johnny gets out of it, with his boss (why he's in D's shop truck and not his car, I have no clue!?). I go meet him in the driveway and explain what's going on, because he noticed the motorcycle in the driveway. He's furious but I convince him not to go in the house.

I'm walking back towards the house, leaving Johnny standing in the driveway, and suddenly, my mom is at the front door, and so is Johnny's mom.... They're both trying to convince me that it's okay, that everything will be okay. D's still in the house. Johnny's standing in the driveway fuming. I walk into the house crying and end up sitting in the hallway trying to figure out how to make him leave.

I don't remember what happened from there - I was seriously so upset from this dream that I woke myself up. I couldn't go back to sleep after that because I couldn't stop replaying it in my head. Honestly, if that were to ever happen irl, it would be seriously disasterous. Johnny's got a temper, and so does D.... I'm afraid to even think of what the outcome would be.... They would both be seriously hurt.

Anyways.... I needed to get that off my chest. Not necessarily looking for a response. I just didn't know where to post it, so I came here....

Lady Update

2006-06-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

Okay... So I figured out who the tooth belonged to.... It was Lady's only front tooth on the top row. She has terribly bad teeth, and it obviously was already falling out, but got pulled out during the fight. My poor baby!!

I took her to the vet this morning because she was really babying her foot last night.... To the point that she wasn't stepping on it at all because it hurt so bad. The doctor says that it's swollen and irritated. I'll be soaking it in epsom salts for half an hour daily for the next week. Explain to me how to keep my dog still long enough to soak her foot in water for half an hour?! Fortunately, she's pretty well behaved and I'm sure it'll be fine. She's also on an antibiotic to kill any infection that may have set in.

I asked him about the situation with Molly and he says that it's definitely an attitude thing - her trying to show her dominance over Lady, which I completely agree. But what do I do to stop them from fighting? He says just to keep an eye on them and be very cautious of the situation. I asked about doggy Prozac and he suggested that it's a last resort and would need to have her in to evaluate her before taking that measure. He made it seem like the situation is really not that big of a deal, when to me, it is.... I'm still seriously thinking that it's gonna come down to me having to have her put down.

I'm afraid of what's gonna happen the next time the girls get into it. I'm even more afraid that one day I'm going to come home from work and find one of them (or both) seriously injured from fighting during the day while I'm at work (I don't know that they've fought while I'm not there, but who's to say they wont?). And I'm afraid of how badly I'm going to get hurt the next time I try and break up their fights.... Not only are their injuries getting worse with each altercation - so are mine! My left hand is still slightly swollen, but definitely sensitive to the touch, and my leg has a huge knot on it and is extremely sensitive where I was bitten. Yes, I'm keeping it extremely clean (mom!) and I'm taking measures to take care of my wounds... I know dog bites are nasty and dirty, so I'm staying on top of it! :D

Battle Wounds

2006-06-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

Well, the girls got into a fight again last night (the dogs, Molly and Lady). This is the second time in a week and a half. And it gets worse every time. And I've been hurt the last two times..... Poor Johnny got chewed on a bit too.

Lady was laying on her bed in the bedroom and Johnny was sitting on the floor with her. I leaned down to rub Lady's head and Molly got jealous and grabbed ahold of Lady's back paw and it escalated from there.... We couldn't get them seperated - Molly really sunk her teeth into Lady's paw, so much so that I picked Molly up and the was still attached to Lady's foot....

At one point, trying to pry Molly's mouth open (I know, bad idea) my finger got caught in the back of her mouth and she tore it open pretty bad. And Lady, in all the confusion thought she had ahold of Molly and instead clamped onto the back of my left hand and bruised my vein (didn't puncture) and then chomped down on my leg, gashing it open about an inch or so wide.... Its still bleeding this morning. Oh, and we found a tooth on the floor and can't figure out which of the girls it belongs to. Poor Rusty was so scared that he just hid under the bed.

We eventually got them seperated and Johnny put Molly outside for the night. Big shock factor to her because they're all indoor dogs and have never slept outside before. She spent most of the night barking and being extremely upset. She'd come to the bedroom window and I could hear her sniffing against the glass, trying to get in.... I felt bad, but I know it was the right thing to do.

Lady's pretty beat up.... She has 3 puncture wounds in her back right pad and is limping pretty seriously this morning. I feel so bad. I didn't lock her in the kitchen with the others because I just want her to be comfortable, so I left her laying on her bed when I went to work this morning.

I don't know what to do.... It's been happening more and more frequently lately and getting worse each time. Molly really is a sweet girl, but she just is mean to Lady or anyone else when it comes down to the attention... And it's not like she's deprived of attention, trust me!! Part of me feels that it's the right thing to let her go, but I don't know if it would be fair to place her with someone else and risk someone/something else being hurt. Which leaves me with the option of putting her down.... which just completely brings me to tears thinking about it, but I know that's probably the best option. I mean, what happens if I have babies.... Is she gonna get jealous of them and attack? I cannot risk that!!! And I can't put her in that situation with someone else. I just don't know what to do.....

Thank you Neeners!!!!

2006-06-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

She created and posted my beautiful new banner!!! I absolutely love it! I love that it's black and pink (my current favorite color combo) and features my most favorite flower, the stargazer lily.... I couldn't have asked for anything more beautiful and perfect! :D

THANK YOU!!

Bite Me!

2006-06-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

i'm hormonal today.... just a forewarning (i appologize now for the language lindi!!).... here it goes:

bite me to my dumb ass boss that can't pay me or the rest of his employees consistantly, cant tell me when to expect my next freakin paycheck (which he's behind by 3 of them... thats a shit load of money fucker!).....

he can't tell me when i should expect benefits to be available, but he's already got himself and his perfect little family enrolled....

he gets all pissy when i take a 2 minute personal call to handle my divorce shit and then decides to order me around and tell me to do certain things, and stick his nose where it doesnt belong.... if i want your opinion, i'll ask....

who expects me to change out all of the trash liners and refill the paper towels in all the bathrooms (that's what you have a cleaning lady for, you ass.... oh that's right, you don't pay her anymore, so she stopped coming!)....

he got all pissy when i explained to him yesterday that i needed to take time off to file my divorce paperwork - sorry, but i'm not gonna pay out the ass for someone else to do it just because it's convenient for you - you wanna pay for it, then more power to you, but i'm broke fucker and it's your fault!

he got an attitude with me today because he saw me reading the news headlines... "we need to find you something constructive to do".... pay my ass and then i'll be constructive... i'm fuckin tired of working for free....

i could keep going, but it just makes me sound like more of a bitch, so i think it's best that i stop now. whew, that felt kinda good. if only i had the balls to actually say it to his face....

Something Different

2006-06-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

Okay... here are some of the pictures from my trip last weekend to Silver Strands with my sister, dad and his wife. I played with them a bit in PS... And they're way blown out, but I kinda like them.... My sister is rubbing off on me. She likes to blow hers out to the extreme.... think these to the extreme....

Anyways, just had some fun playing around a bit.... :p

Lori tagged me...

2006-06-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

But I can't come up with 5.... How terrible is that?!

I don't really swoon over many celebrities... Brad Pitt used to be on the list, but he's still in the dog house for leaving Jen... :p

So..... Here's my bad-boy hottie... And he's enough for me! :D

How would you feel?

2006-06-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

Just curious...

Say that you are seperated from your spouse. And you are not extremely close to your sister who is 8 years younger than you, but you guys have always gotten along and enjoyed eachother's company....

Say that your ex-spouse is now talking to your younger sister (strictly as friends - she's 16!). They talk regularly, via IM and phone.... No idea what they talk about because your sister refuses to tell anyone, including your mother....

Say your mom calls you last night and informs you of all of this, that it's been going on for a couple of weeks. And now your sister has informed your mom that she wants to go hang out with your ex, and that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you due to the circumnstances....

How would you feel? Wouldn't you feel like the SOB has no right to sit and continue a relationship with your sister (when they were never really that close to begin with!), and that he has no right to feed her a bunch of crap and turn her against you? Wouldn't you want to know what's being said? Wouldn't you be devastated?

Yea....

More Pictures

2006-06-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

These are from Saturday... Chey and I went back out and got some daytime shots of downtown Temecula area.... I'm posting the originals and then the ones that I played with in PS. I've also got pics to upload from our trip out to Silver Strands, but not sure if I'll have time to do that tonight... But for now -

An old wagon ...

A statue outside of one of the wine shops (first is the original, second I just sharpened the coloring a bit)

An old building that I found down an alley way....

And finally some roses....

Stolen from Mo!

2006-06-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

Finish these sentences...

I WANT: to be a mommy.
I HAVE: some of the most amazing friends!
I WISH: that I didn't have to work.
I HATE: that Lindi is moving so far away from me.
I MISS: Simba.
I HEAR: the landscapers outside of the office.
I WONDER: where I'll be in 5 years.
I REGRET: nothing.
I AM NOT: good at saving money.
I DANCE: while no one is looking.
I SING: when no one's around.
I CRY: too easily.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: the most social person.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: cards and scrap pages - although it's been months.
I WRITE: lots of lists, things that are on my mind.... I have random notebooks everywhere.
I CONFUSE: myself way too often.... some things just go over my head (I swear I'm not blonde!)
I NEED: to learn to go to bed at a descent hour.
I SHOULD: really start saving money for all the trips I'm taking in this next year.
I START: getting super sleepy around 2:30 in the afternoon, no matter how much sleep I get.
I FINISH: at least 1 can of Monster a day, usually in the afternoon.

Now you go...

Just some quick pictures

2006-06-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

Went out to downtown Temecula last night to get some night shots with my younger sister... She's really into photography (I just play - no idea what I'm doing) and that's what she wanted to do... I think I got a couple good ones.

Don't ask me about specs because I have no clue.... I'll upload as many as Blogger will allow - the originals and then the ones that I played with in PS....

We're heading back out there later today to get some day shots and compare the two.... Happy Saturday!

On the one above, as well as a few others that appear to be "grainy", I used the Fresco filter in PS to make those adjustments....

And my favorite picture of the night.... a shot of some raggedy mailboxes... The first is the original, straight off the camera. Second, I played with the coloring a bit, and the third has the Fresco filter on it....

Situation with D

2006-06-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

Just a little update, for those that are wondering...

He came by yesterday afternoon and picked up the last of his stuff out of the garage. I had left the back door to the garage door unlocked (or so I thought) so that he could get into the garage without having access to the house. I guess the door handle was still locked, so I had to leave work to go let him in.

I got there and there was a different truck parked in my driveway - his girlfriend's truck, and he brought her with him..... for what reason, God only knows, but hey.... Good for him if he's finally moving on. Maybe that will mean he'll be less of a jerk to me (yea right!). He didn't say but maybe 10 words to me the entire time he was there, and when he was done, they just backed out of the driveway and took off.... He didn't even take 2 seconds to say hi to the babies.... and his girlfriend had the nerve to tell them to shuttup because they were whining at the screen door because they could see him out in the driveway.... Royally pissed me off!

So he emptied out all of his tools from the work bench, took all the parts he had gathered up for his Busa, his little junk.... everything. He took it all.... Down to the last hammer, screwdriver and box of nails.... I have nothing. I'm just glad that I pulled the rubber mallot (for my scrapbooking) and staple gun into the house.... He did leave the big toolbox, which Johnny is excited to use and fill with his tools..... But, I'll be making a trip to Home Depot to stock up on some of the standard necessities....

And Johnny's a happy boy because the garage is all cleared out and ready for him to make it his own. He's already moved his computer out onto the work bench. And we went and picked his motorcycle up last night, so she's sitting in the middle of the garage..... He's so excited. :o) We'll probably be making a trip out to his storage to move all his stuff in by the end of the month.... He'll probably have to rent a truck, but it'll be nice to actually have him move his things in. And then we'll be having a yard sale sometime in the next couple months to purge some of the stuff we don't need.... I figure that with the house being mine now, I can decorate and do whatever I want with it, so ultimately, I'll be changing it up a bit. Plus, there's some stuff up in the rafters that I need to go through and get rid of......

Looking forward to moving on and starting new.... And love that Johnny's a part of that! :o)

Song of the Moment

2006-06-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

My new song for the last couple days has been by a newer band... Saving Jane. Just makes me feel good to sing along at the top of my lungs driving down the freeway.... Kinda captures some of the crap that's going on in life right now.... Kinda funny how a song can do that, isn't it?

Saving Jane - Who's Cryin' Now?

It’s too late to say you’re sorry
You’ve been gone from here too long
I hope you found what you were missing
Cause I don’t miss you here at all

And it’s too bad that I’m not crying for you baby,
Don’t be sad, cause I’ve been fine without you lately

I’m saving my breath
I’m saving my tears
I’m saving my life for something
Better than these years
I’ve lost too much time
Crying over you

Don’t look so surprised that I’ve
Got better things to do
Who’s cryin now?

I’m saving my breath
I’m saving my tears
I’m saving my life for something
Better than these years
I’ve lost too much time
Crying over you

There’s so many nights that I wasted
I was waiting for your call
Did you think I’d wait forever?
I guess you don’t know me at all

And I told you if you left you would regret it
Thinking I would take you back, but you don’t get it

I’m saving my breath
I’m saving my tears
I’m saving my life for something
Better than these years
I’ve lost too much time
Crying over you

There’s something you should know
I finally let you go
It had to end somehow
Tell me who’s cryin now

Just some random update stuffs....

2006-06-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

Had a good weekend, of course, not long enough...

BBQ'd on Sunday. Had my family up. They got to meet Johnny.... Everyone got along great, and that makes things just that much better.... Johnny cooked some awesome steak and shrimp, they boys (and mom) played a round of darts.... it was perfect! Mom ranked him an 8/10... Johnny asked what would get him a 10/10 and she of course responded that she wanted grandbabies! In time mom... :p

Tried to crash early last night - think I drank a little too much, but also, I've been so tired lately, so I think it just hit me that much harder than normal. Laid in bed and listened to music with my honey and dozed off.... so nice to just fall asleep in his arms. Makes me feel so comfortable, safe and secure. I just love him!!

We're both looking into getting our divorces going. It was suggested to me by a co-worker today about maybe filing for a legal seperation as well - to cover my ass and stop D from being able to take any more than he deserves (who knows if it'll get to that point - I pray it doesn't get nasty, but I'd rather be safe than sorry). I've got the website to go to to fill all of my stuff out, it's just a matter of setting aside the time and doing it.... I need to, sooner than later....

Hoping that all works out in the end with the divorce - I'd like to keep my house. Johnny's gonna help me with the landscaping in the back yard... So maybe by the end of the year, if all goes good, I'll actually have grass laid, my concrete poured, and maybe even a cute little veggie garden.... Which will be just perfect since we do so much cooking together.

He's off today, and here I am at work.... He's in bed sleeping, and I'm just typing away... I'm so jealous! He's got his list of honey-do's... He wants to mow the yard (one of the things he said he will be doing, no matter what I say.... which I guess is fine because I never get around to it....), wash his car, and he wants to have the house picked up and dinner ready for me when I get home..... Tell me he's not the sweetest guy ever?!?!

And of course, a few pics from the BBQ yesterday... Mom grabbed my camera and started snapping away. Which was totally nice being that we only have 1 other pic of us together... My mom's the new paparazzi! Love it!! :D

Okay.... blogger's not allowing me to upload the pics, so I'll have to try again later... Sorry guys! But, if you're on SJ, they're posted there, as well as on my profile at MySpace.... :D

Nicknames....

2006-06-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

Beth posted a challenge today to blog about nicknames that you may have had growing up, or still currently... And whether you like them or hate them and why...

As a baby, my mom nicknamed me "Boots", and on a rare occasion, she'll still call me this.... As a toddler, I would walk around the house carrying my bottle of milk or juice and when I was done with it, I'd hide it in my stepdad's cowboy boots.... It would sit there until he went to go put his boots on... hence the name Boots. I don't mind being called this. Of course, only my mom can get away with it.

I've always hated the name "Jessie"... When I meet someone new, and they start calling me Jessie, I'm very quick to explain that I prefer not to be called that - Jes or Jessica will work just fine. But then, there's Grandma... She's always called me Jessie, all of my life. She's the only one I allow to call me this... The only one that can say that name and it doesn't send shivers up my spine. Not sure why I dislike it so much, but I do.

And "Jes", the name I go by most.... Up until 11th grade of high school, I always spelled it "Jess"... Then I met David and for some reason, he only spelled it with 1 's', and I decided I liked the look of that much better.... It's different, and I like it. Not everyone realizes that I spell it that way, and most of my friends and family still spell it as "Jess", which doesn't bother me... It's just my personal preference to spell it that way....

A long overdue update!!

2006-06-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've updated.... been a busy little bee. So here goes my novel, hope you have a minute....

Last weekend was lots of fun. Saturday was the Temecula Balloon and Wine Festival - went with Johnny, Tani and John. Had a wonderful time, watched the balloon glow, had some good wine and chocolate covered fruit, laughed a lot, lost the car in the parking lot and managed to bust myself up laughing at who knows what.... so funny that I decided to stop and sit in the dirt parking lot for a minute to catch my breath (which Johnny just got a kick out of - thanks hun :p)

Sunday was nice too.... slept in with my baby, lazied around the house and then in the evening went to the Alkaline Trio concert with some friends. Had a great time. Loved the music. Loved spending time with my honey. Love getting to know Ian and JoAnna a little better.... Such sweet people.

Monday I took the day off (we were out super late the night before - but more importantly, I wanted to meet Johnny's mom!) So we drove up to Whittier so Johnny could get some of his things from his mom's house... I got to meet his mom and step-dad - both are super sweet. I can see where he gets his attitude from (totally a good thing!) and can't wait to get to know his mom more....

Been battling a sore throat the last couple days, but seem to be doing better now.... Need to get that cleared up before the weekend though - I'm going to LA on Saturday to do pictures for Mary and her mom, and with Blanca being so weak, I don't want to be sick around her. That's the last thing she needs... Don't worry Mares, I'll be better!!!

Things in my life couldn't be better.... I've met a wonderful man, who treats me like a little princess, who loves me for who I am, doesn't try to change me, has the most sincere heart, and we just fit so well together.... We love a lot of the same things, we spend a lot of time in the kitchen cooking together (which I just love!!), he loves to cuddle, he loves music, he can do just about anything he puts his mind to..... and last night he informed me that he's writting me a song. I'm excited to hear it babe! :D

Its funny lately.... I just walk around with the biggest, goofiest smile on my face.... all because of Johnny.... he makes me so truly happy. My friends see it, my co-workers see it. And they're all saying the same thing - they've never seen me happier. My best friends are even saying it - and I'm so blessed to have such wonderful, caring people in my life.... I love you all tons, thank you for your friendship, your love, and support over the last couple months.... Things are finally looking up and I couldn't be happier!!

I'm taking a break

2006-06-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

And considering taking a little mini nap.... It's 10am on Saturday and I've been up since 7:30 cleaning.... Here's what I've got done so far:

Steam cleaned the carpet in my bedroom and bathroom
Cleaned out my dresser drawers and bagged up some clothes for good will
Washed a load of bed linens and a load of towels
Changed out and cleaned the cat box
Cleaned out the kitchen cupboard and fridge (there was a lot of old stuff in there!!)
Gave Bubba a bath
Mopped the bathroom and laundry room floors
Vacuumed my scrap room

I've still got a lot more to do, but I think I need to re-charge a bit before I jump back in. Here's what's left on my to-do list:

Take a shower and get dressed (yes, I'm still in my pj's)
2 more loads of laundry
Put the clean sheets back on the bed
Clean the bathroom
Vacuum the living room
Sweep and mop the kitchen floor and wipe down the counters
Put the dishes away
Go to the grocery store
Dust the bedroom (hate having cherry wood - gets dusty so fast!!)

And all of this to be done before 4 because Tani and her hubby are driving out from LA to attend the Balloon & Wine Festival with Johnny and I.... She's super excited to meet him :D So yea, lots to do..... I'm really considering that power nap. I think I can fit it in if I can just get off of here!! :p

7 Deadly Sins

2006-06-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

Neen posted a challenge the other day and I'm just getting around to it.....

PRIDE – Which of your attributes or talents are you most proud of?
honestly, none..... i don't feel that i'm that talented. and when i do, i usually find someone that can do it much better, so it just makes me wonder why i even try....

ENVY – What brings out the green-eyed monster of jealousy in you?
women that can be a stay at home mom and wife.... that's my ultimate dream - to find someone to love me and take care of me, be the sole provider for our family....

SLOTH – What’s your idea of relaxation?
an awesome day at a spa.... full massage, facial, manicure, pedicure..... the royal treatment

LUST – Who do you lust after?
love and happiness....

GREED – What was your last budget blow out on?
a new canon digi elph - i need a small camera to carry around when i don't want to haul my rebel around

ANGER – What gets your blood boiling?
ignorance, stupidity, not taking responsibility for your own actions and making it my fault... gee, can we guess who i'm talking about here?! **rolling eyes**

GLUTTONY – What’s your favourite food?
anything thats completely and utterly bad for me and loaded with carbs and butter!!!!

Another weekend come and gone...

2006-05-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

It was definitely a good one, spent in the company of many friends - old and new. I have to say that I'm completely blessed lately with the people that I'm meeting and the relationships I'm forming. I can't think of a time in my life when I've ever been happier. And I have to contribute a lot of that to Johnny.... I'm so glad he's in my life <3

Sunday night, I tried out Brandon's Crazy Corona's which are pretty good... Got my nose pierced by Ian, who's such a sweetheart, spent some girl time with Joanna, whom I can't wait to get to know more.... I think I fit in well with Johnny's friends. That makes me so happy...

Spent Monday up in Victorville scrapping with Lindi again, and playing with my favorite kiddos... So gonna miss them when they move to Utah next month! I asked Lindi to take some pictures of me - she did and I think they turned out so awesome!! I've got a couple of them up in my photo section.... But here's one that you can kinda see my little stud in...

Music

2006-05-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

Amy asked on the boards this morning what song is currently speaking to your soul... I have to say that "All Around Me" by Flyleaf would be the song for me right now. It just makes me feel so whole and happy and defintely speaks about where I'm at in my life and relationship with Johnny right now. I love it!

All Around Me
Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you...
My arms are outstretched towards you
l feel you on my fingertips...
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire runs in through my being...
Burning...
I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healed

My hands float up above me....
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade...
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway...
The angels singing say
We are alone with you...
I am alone and they are too with you

And so I cry...
The light is white...
And I see you...

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healed

Take my hand I give it to you
Now you own me , all I am..
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe...
I can feel you all around me
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healed

Stolen from Denise...

2006-05-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

I'm bored at work, and I love little quizes, so here goes.... :D

What exactly are you wearing right now? black slacks and a white knit top
What is your current problem? sleepy
What makes you most happy? being with family and friends
If you could go back in time and change something would you? probably not...
Name something obvious about you. i'm a shortie
Name something that people might not know about you. i'm terrified of the dark
What's the name of the song that you're listening to? The Reason - Hoobastank
Name someone with the same birthday as you. Mickey Mouse
Ever sang in front of a large audience? when i was in school...
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? i don't think so...
Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows? movies occasionally... i like disney and pixar stuff
Do you speak any other languages? nope
What magazines do you read? scrapbooking, tattoo and gossip mags....
Have you ever ridden in a Hummer limo? nope, they're not a big deal to me
Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? no
Do you ever watch MTV? rarely
What's something that really annoys you? people interrupting (although i do that a lot)

Chapter 1:
Middle name? Christine Marie
Nickname(s)? jes
Eye color? hazel

Chapter 2:
Do you live with your parents? nope - have my own house
Do you get along with your parents? usually
Are your parents married/separated/divorced? divorced
Do you have any siblings? 2 younger sisters, a younger brother

Chapter 3:
apparently Chap 3 is MIA

Chapter 4:Do You Sing in the shower? yes
Write on your hand? no
Call people back? usually
Believe in love? yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? nope, usually the middle.... if johnny's over, i sleep on the side farthest from the door
Have any bad habits? of course

Chapter 5:
Have You Ever Broken a bone? left arm twice, left foot once
Gotten stitches? yup
Taken painkillers? yes
Gone SCUBA diving? nope
Been stung by a bee? yep
Thrown up in a restaurant? no
Been to overnight camp? yes
Had detention? yes
Been sent to the principal's office? yes

Chapter 6:
Who/What was the last:Person to IM you? johnny
What did it say: my cutie :)
Person to call you: my mom
Person you tackled? um.... i dunno... maybe my brother
Thing you touched: my phone
Thing you ate: nachos
Thing you drank: monster
Thing you said: awesome, thanks!

Life is Good

2006-05-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

Having too much fun and getting not nearly enough sleep.... But it's okay. We're officially dating now and I'm extremely happy. He makes me laugh so much, and makes me so happy. Ultimately, I don't know where this is going, but we're not rushing into anything super serious.... Just one day at a time. Enjoying eachother's company. I might be going out to dinner with him and his friends tonight, not sure yet. It'll be interesting to meet his friends and see him in his normal environment. I'm a little nervous, but I'm sure it'll be fine. So yea, excited and nervous.

3 day weekend coming up!! Super cool. Friday I'm leaving work a bit early to go get my hair done... put my red back in and get a trim. Saturday I'm booking my flight to Michigan with Ruthann, so excited about that!! Michigan ain't gonna know what's hit them by the time us Jazzers have rolled through! :D Sunday I'm going up to Collective Journey with Toni... and Monday's looking pretty laid back, which is definitely needed. Looking forward to it!

That's about it... Sorry I haven't been updating regularly... I just don't always have something to talk about, but I should at least come on and give a little bit of update regularly... I'll try to do better!!

Exciting Stuffs

2006-05-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Went on my first date last night.... Had a blast. He's super sweet, got a great personality, a bit of a smartass (but keeps me on my toes) and makes me laugh more than anyone else I know. Brings a big smile to my face. We went to dinner, went and had a drink, then back to my house for a movie. Didn't really watch the movie - we talked most of the time. He loves my crazy kiddos and they all loved him. Yes, I kissed him goodnight. Yes, I really enjoyed it :p He might be coming over on Sunday to cook me dinner... Definitely looking forward to that - can't go wrong with a guy that loves to cook!!

Ruthann's coming tonight! I'm so super psyched!! Five hours from Surprise, AZ to Wildomar, CA. Hopefully she doesn't hit too much traffic and isn't too stiff to move once she gets here. We've got a busy weekend planned. Heading to Pink Pineapple to meet with Toni (from SJ) and then down to Del Mar to the Tattoo Expo. I'm getting my ears punched. Starting at an 8 guage and then I'll probably work my way down to a 4 or 2. Might get my Kanji, not sure yet. Ruthann's wanting new ink, but hasn't decided if she'll get any or not. I hope so - I don't want to be the only one getting work done tomorrow! :p After the expo, we're driving up to meet Lindi for dinner in Redlands. I figure that while she's here, she might as well meet some of the other SoCal ladies!

Lots of fun stuff! Looking forward to some serious girl time. And definitely looking forward to hanging out with Johnny more. :D

I'll have pics to share by the time Monday rolls around! Happy weekend friends :D

I know Mike now!

2006-05-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

LOL.... now I know a Mike... Neen's Mike... and he's such a sweetie and such a trooper to have hung out with us all day yesterday. Mike and Neen were a blast to get to know and I'm so sad that we had to go home and leave them at Disneyland last night....

I swear I haven't forgotten... I've got to upload my layouts, and upload pictures from yesterday. Had a total blast. I'm completely exhausted but still have tons to do before Ruthann comes for the weekend. I promise to have them up here soon guys!!

I'm ready for that vacation now.....

For the Love of Mike!!

2006-05-15T15:36:00.000-07:00

(that was for Jennifer H - and I have no idea who Mike is, lol)... I'm updating :D

Insanely crazy weekend... Drove 350+ miles between driving out to Redlands to go scrap shopping, then driving to Lindi's and back, then down to San Diego and back.... My car pretty much hates me now. Having some issues with keeping oil in the car. Seems I've got a worse leak than I had originally thought. And I have no time to actually take the car into the shop in the next 3 weeks.... Wonderful, aint it?!

So much to do this week in preparation for Ruthann coming. Why is it that I only clean my house (like seriously clean, deep clean kinda stuff) when I have company coming over? Someone kick me in the pants already. Gotta clean the carpets (well, that needed to be done anyways, I just keep putting it off), dust, clean the bathrooms, do laundry, clean up the back yard..... And, I've got other things to do in between there, like go get my nails done (their about to pop off cuz I need a fill so badly), make a trip to Costco (hitting that one on the way home tonite), go tanning (I've already lost my base, so I'm gonna have to start over again, ugh!)....

And, I've been running on little sleep cuz Molly has started this new thing where she decides that she wants up and wants breakfast at 6.... I can usually argue with her long enough to get her back to sleep for another 15 to 20 mins, then I'm up... And, I've been getting to bed a little late cuz I'm chatting online with a new friend :D

So yea... that's about it for me. Scrapped a little with Lindi on Saturday and need to upload those.... add that to my list. Maybe tonite.... Later all!

I'm such a slacker

2006-05-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

Beth has been creating some awesome blogger challenges and I've meant to participate in each one of them, but work has gotten the best of me... For the last week, I've been working on a spreadsheet with the listings for all the local businesses in our area.... 2500+ of them.... And now I'm trying to clean it all up to create a mail merge.... It's really wiping me out. And it just frustrates me more because we're having payroll issues again.... :o(

But, the one that really sticks out in my mind, as far as blog challenges was this one....

We are so connected to technology it surrounds our whole life. But what if something happened that left us without it? How would you cope? Do you think the world would be better or worse off?

Technology is a big part of my life... I'm just as bad as a man when it comes to having some of the latest and greatest gadgets... I've got a top of the line camera, an iPod, a cell phone, a wireless laptop, XM radio in my car.... And when something new comes out, I'm drooling... I've got lots of money invested in electronics....

My world pretty much revolves around my computer right now. I say that in a good and bad way. I love coming home and getting on-line, chatting with my friends and family via yahoo messenger and webcam. But in the same sense, I have become extremely lazy. When David left, I had vowed that I was gonna get my priorities straight and start taking care of myself and become a kick-ass independant, good-looking chick.... And in the last 3 months, I've managed to do nothing of the sort. I've cancelled my gym membership and I feel so sluggish. It's because I'm not active and doing anything. Sometimes I think it would be better not to be so connected so that I would actually take some time for myself.... My house is looking pretty neglected, and my poor dogs probably hate me because I never play with them anymore. I remember the days when I'd just come home and play ball out in the yard with them. I don't do that anymore. I need to....

In a way, I'm extremely grateful for the internet because I've met so many awesome people - through ScrapJazz, Myspace and even new people here on my blog. It's so great to be able to connect with people all over the world. But in the same sense, I think I need to learn how to limit myself and really take time for myself, to enjoy life, to get outside and step away from the computer.....

So yea, that's me... Thanks for the challenge Beth :o)

Friday Randomness

2006-05-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yep, another random post... Haven't had one of these in a while....

*I was super inteligent last night and decided to weed-wack the hill... while wearing flip flops.... Yep, mom, I really did this... Completely gashed the top of my foot and toes open. Almost got the hill done though, lmao!! **hope you detect the sarcasm!** It hurts like a b***h this morning cuz I couldn't find any shoes to wear that won't rub against it...

*Slept wrong last night, so I've got a kink in my neck.... it's killing me.

*On the other hand, I've been getting back into a normal sleeping routine for the last week or so - in bed between 10 and 11 and I'm actually waking up on my own between 6 and 7 in the morning... it's awesome to finally be sleeping again!!

*Loving my Tazo tea this morning.... I'm on such a tea kick....

*Was working on Oscar's blog last night, trying to get it all set up for her and my computer decided to take a dump... Firefox gave out on me, so I had to switch to IE - had to go through a bunch of updates and crap.... Hopefully I can get it all finished off tonite - I hate computer issues! Especially since I don't have D there to help me. Derek's been awesome and is walking me through it all, but its difficult when you don't actually have the computer in front of you to see what you're doing....

*I've got a couple blogs to catch up on for Beth tonight... And I'll post a picture of my nasty foot! ;o)

*Drove around in the Scion here for work yesterday... Those things are like a little go-cart and I want one! Too bad I still owe an arm and leg for my beater Honda... piece-o-crap!

Alright, I think that's it for now.... Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone... Be safe out there this weekend!

I've been tagged!

2006-05-04T14:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry Beth, didn't see this one till today... and I owe you a couple blogs for the last couple days too.... I should have those up over the weekend.

So here goes:

What's in:
My fridge:
1. bottled water
2. pineapple juice
3. malibu rum
4. energy drinks
5. turkey
6. provalone cheese
7. v8 drinks
8. rusty's ear meds

My Closet:
1. 40+ pairs of shoes (retail therapy!!)
2. clothes
3. my jewelry box

My purse:
1. cell phone
2. wallet
3. receipts
4. checkbook
5. foundation
6. burts bees
7. target gift cards
8. breath mints
9. loose change

My car
1. lots of loose papers
2. a pair of brown heels
3. my stuff for the tanning salon
4. xm radio

Not sure who to tag... so if you're reading this and have not been tagged yet.... I tag you!! :o)

I Love Spring

2006-05-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

My two favorite seasons are Spring and Fall.... I especially love spring because once the chill of winter starts to wear off, the breeze feels great on your skin.... These are the things I love about Spring....

* perfect t-shirt and jeans weather
* always wearing flip flops
* beautiful, colorful flowers starting to bloom
* being able to open up the house and get a fresh breeze blowing through
* playing outside with the dogs in the evenings
* working out in the yard on a nice weekend

Spring makes me want to be outside more, get out from behind the computer and enjoy the beautiful days.... Spring makes me happy. :o)

Another Productive Weekend

2006-04-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

Went out with my Mary Friday night. We went to El Torrito and had fajitas and margaritas. Then moved into the bar, had more margaritas. Good food, good drinks, good company....

Saturday, D came over and we tackled the front yard. I now know how to use the weed wacker. The lawn mower blew once he finally got it started, so we ended up buying a new one. At least I'll be able to operate this one. Also went and got the shelves for my scrap room. Got those put together Saturday night...

Sunday, my mom and sister came up... They helped me organize my scrap room and clean up around the house. My sister had a good time playing with Lady... she took her outside and brushed some of her loose hair off (they both seemed to enjoy it!)

The weekend flew by, but I got a lot done... I'm wiped out and feel like I could sleep all day.... Of course, it'll never happen. Hoping to sleep good tonight!

Weekend Re-Cap

2006-04-23T18:22:00.000-07:00

It's been a productive weekend.... I stayed home both Saturday and Sunday (well, aside from my 2 trips to Target) and got a lot done.

Originally, I had wanted to get the yard cleaned up. It's been 3 months since the grass has been cut, and the weeds have taken over both the front and back yard.... I'm seriously embarrased by what my neighbors might think.... So, I pulled out the lawn mower and weed wacker, and attempted to start both, to no avail. Thirty minutes later, I finally gave up.... dragged them both back to the shed and felt sorry for myself. That's the second time that I've attempted to get them going without any luck. I've followed all the directions and have done everything D told me to do, but I just can't get them started..... so I gave up, again.

But, the good news is that I decided to go put the futon together for the spare bedroom. I followed all the directions, matched up all the pieces and hardware before even starting, and in the process I managed to smash my index finger and create a blister on my middle finger from all of the hammering.... But an hour and a half later, it was complete, and I did it all by myself! That made the whole yard situation disappear (for a minute, until I had to let the dogs out, lol!) Feeling very proud of myself, and extremely exhausted, I ordered a pizza, had a beer and watched Rent (good movie btw). And here's a picture of my cool new futon....

Sunday was really productive as well.... I finished straightening up the spare bedroom, cleaned my bathroom, cleaned the kitchen and wiped down all of the counters, moved the bookcase from my scrap room to the spare room, did the dishes and 4 loads of laundry (most of which were bedding). Of course, there are still the carpets to be cleaned and the bathtub to be scrubbed, but I'm going to leave that for another day.... I'm wipped out.

Next weekend, D's coming over to help me with the yard, and we're going to go get the new shelving units for my scrap room... I see it being another busy weekend. But busy is good!

Oh, and this weekend was the Scrap Etc. event down in Alabama.... I'm so bummed that I didn't get to go. I've seen tons of pictures from the ladies on SJ that made it out there.... And all I can say is that I'm extremely jealous, and there is no way that I am missing the event next year! I will be there!!! Jodi and I have already decided that we're going to room together, and I'm going to start putting money away now so that I have tons of play money for Monique's store! So jealous of you girls, but you all seemed to have had a great time!! I can't wait!

A little wisdom for a Friday

2006-04-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

When one door of happiness closes, another opens;

but often we look so long at the closed door

that we do not see the one which has been

opened for us...

(Helen Keller)

Just thinking...

2006-04-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today's one of those days where you just sit and think "How did I get here, to this exact point in my life? Why am I here? What did I do to bring me to this point?" I'm just feeling a little down today... It's so easy to just wish that things would go back to the way they were, when we were young and happy.... to wonder why things are the way they are now....

I know I have to move on from this point, I guess I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself today. I miss him and it hurts today.... it really does.

Which in turn, just frustrates me because I had a great night last night. I went out with Mary to a concert, had a great time, enjoyed myself, had a couple drinks.... It was tons of fun. And now this....

I'm a freakin emotional roller coaster. I do so good for days, even weeks, then it's like I hit a brick wall and I'm planted right back on my ass, starting this cycle all over again. I want to be done with this crap already.

I'm a thief!!

2006-04-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

I stole this directly off of Nicole's blog... Hope you don't mind girlie.... I saw it and thought that I need to make this known as well, for my family and friends that drop by from time to time... I'd really love to hear from you and let me know that you read this thing!!

You can leave me comments? I had a friend tell me today she didn't know you could do that... so I figured I'd post a little tutorial on how to leave comments. Its fun. I like to hear back from you- makes me feel like I'm not just writing to write. Lets me know I do have some readers out there.

So down below the bottom of each post there is a dotted line. Under the dotted line it has the date and then says permalink and comments and there is a number in parenthesis (the number is how many comments have been left). All you have to do is click on comments and fill in the information, type your comment and VOILA! Go ahead... try it!

Poor neglected blog...

2006-04-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not much better this week at keeping you all up to date, am I???

Not much new.... I'm gonna just hit you with a couple little things here....

Half way through my book! It's awesome. So awesome in fact that I've ordered my very own copy so I can mark it all up, highlight, dog-ear the pages.... This baby's gonna get lots of use!

Heading to House of Blues with my Mary tonight for a concert.... Just the two of us. Looking forward to it. And I have no idea who we're seeing.... She knows the bassist, so she gets free tickets and I'm tagging along.

Having fun playing with Myspace lately..... I get bored and go mess with the design on my page... so you might notice that it looks one way, then go back later and it's looking different... I guess it's kinda like my hair.... constantly changing it. Went and got it done again on Friday and I'm loving it, even though I can't make it do anything cool like Shannon did... It's still fun, and I'm loving the burgundy color, just hope it lasts a little longer. It should if I maintain it properly - supposed to get in there every 4 weeks now.

Purging through my scrap stuff.... I'll be sending off some RAK's here in the next couple weeks. I'm re-doing my scrap room and changing it up a bit... And in order for me to move the furniture around, I decided I'd go through and eliminate some of the stuff I've been hanging onto and not using.... Feels good to get down to the basics again. Needing to make time to scrap, thinking I'm gonna have a nice mellow weekend to myself - get some scrapping and yard work done.... Looking forward to it!

That's it really... nothing too exciting. Just hanging out... Taking time for me. Started tanning again, wanting to go to the salon and get a mani and pedi this Saturday.... Trying to take care of myself and be happy. Think I'm doing a good job so far!

Thank you Mary!

2006-04-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

This book rocks!! She lent me her copy of "It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken" and I've been sitting here reading for the last half an hour.... I can't put this book down! It's awesome, funny, and so true.... Here are a couple little nuggets that already hit home:

"Generally, if one person thinks that the break up is the right move, they're probably right even if it feels so wrong. Because unless there are two people putting on the coveralls and getting in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a fierce determination, it isn't going to happen. Need more convincing? How about this: The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said 'No thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere.' Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that its wasn't a match made in heaven and they're not worth donning coveralls for. Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears."

"A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different than how you liked them, fear of never finding another love, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We're afraid of the unknown.... It's broken, and the longer you stay stuck in a dead-end relationship or spend your days mourning one, the less time you get on this planet to experience a great one."

And this is my favorite....

".... the fact of the matter is, they're wrong about you. Just because your relationship is broken doesn't mean you are! No matter what happened between you, no matter what you may or may not have done wrong, you are still a kick-ass person. And even though you might not believe it right now, this breakup is the first step towards finding someone truly worthy of your greatness."

Awesome. I love that over and over again, the authors are using words to build you up and re-affirm you... They call you a "superfox" repeatedly, tell you how awesome and wonderful you are and are constantly praising you.... Definitely good to hear. And apparantly, re-decorating your living room is part of the healing process, so that'll be an interesting part of the book to get to!

Alrighty, back to my book!

Just a Quickie

2006-04-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

A quick Friday post.... Sorry to have neglected you all this week.... Here goes:

It's finalized - D and I will not be reconciling. His choice, not mine. I can't do anything to change the situation or outcome, so I'm moving on with my life. I'm heart-broken, but what can I do? I've shed enough tears and I'm ready to move on. With the help of all of my wonderful friends and family, I'm moving on. We will still keep in contact and remain friends, but that's it.

Met up with my two favorite people last night for dinner and awesome margaritas. Mary and Tani are two of the best people to have come into my life and I don't know what I'd do without them... If you girls are reading this, I love you so much and can't thank you enough! Mary brought a book called "It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken"... Looking forward to getting into that, lol! And Tani's already got a list of people that she wants to introduce me to when I'm ready, lol!

Getting my hair done tonight.... I'll be sure to post pictures. Saturday, my brother and his fiance are coming over and hanging out with me. We don't have anything special planned, but I do have to make devilled eggs..... Thasha's been craving them, and I promised that if they came up to visit, I'd have them ready for her ;o) Sunday I'm heading to Ikea with D to pick up a couple things for the house and a futon... D will be going with me so we can load the futon into his truck (can't exactly fit that into my little Honda).

Next Wednesday I'm heading to downtown San Diego with Mary to the House of Blues to catch a concert... That's going to be so much fun! Looking forward to getting out and having some fun.... And we're planning a Cinco de Mayo get together, just the 3 of us girls... I'm boarding the dogs so we can go out and have an awesome time without me having to worry about getting home that night.... Looking forward to it ladies!!

Oh, and Lindi and the family have decided to move to Utah... I'm gonna be so sad without her, and I'm really gonna miss her crazy kids and hubby... But this move is going to be so awesome for them. The kids will have better education opportunities, and they're going to be surrounded by family. How awesome is that?! And... all you crazy SJ ladies that have voted that I move to Utah with her.... You all crack me up! Who knows what my future holds. I'm looking forward to heading out there and visiting for a bit once they're all settled in, so we'll see.... ;o)

I think that's it... Hopefully I'll be more on top of my poor little neglected blog next week.... Have a happy Easter everyone!

Good Weekend!

2006-04-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

I had a good weekend, hope you did too....

Went to Disneyland with Lindi on Friday with her and her daughter, as well as her mom and nephew.... Had a great time!

Saturday was shopping and cleaning day.... Lindi couldn't make it to the scrap store since we did Disneyland on Friday, so instead, I decided to buy new bedding at Target, something I'd been wanting to do for a while now. It was marked down and I couldn't resist....

And, I went and got my hearts today! I'm so excited and I loooooove them!! I changed it up a bit from the original design that D had drawn.... We decided not to do the ribbon, and they're actually a bit smaller than I had originally anticipated, but this size is much better - they're dainty and cute ;o)

So this post is full of pictures.... A good post! Now I'm just chillin at home, sipping on a glass of wine and relaxing.... Have a good evening everyone! ((hugs))

I'm going shopping!

2006-04-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

Saturday is scrap shopping day! Meeting Lindi at Collective Journey (the most awesome scrapbook store ever!!) and doing some serious scrap shopping... It's been ages since I've actually bought any good scrap stuff.... So here's where I need your help.

What are you just loving right now?? Whats the one (or couple) things you find yourself using a lot lately?? Whta one thing can you not live without??

I'm looking at getting some new stamps. I definitely need the Functuation stamps from Technique Tuesday. Those are on my list. I also want to get the Tab die set from Quickutz. But fill me in.... I'm wanting to get some new things to use in my journal, so now's the chance to speak up!! TIA for your input! :o)

New Journal Entry

2006-04-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

Here's my latest entry for my altered journal.... I've completed a couple entries, but this is the first that I'm truly pleased with (well, besides the cover). It was totally fun to put together and I love the way it turned out.... Love that I actually journaled for once - kinda nice to get my thoughts down on paper for a change.

It's Saturday night, and it's been a pretty nice, mellow day. Went and picked my younger sister up this morning and we wandered around the mall.... I bought a couple of cute shirts and we stopped and had lunch... We had to run to Target for some necessities, and I managed to find 3 pairs of shoes to buy.... I guess you can say that today, I did a little retail therapy ;o) We came home and scrapped a bit (hence, my new journal entry) and she got 2 pages done.... So neat to have someone to share my hobby with and to see her enjoying it just as much.

We ordered a pizza for dinner and watched Chicken Little - so cute! Tomorrow, we're going to go see Ice Age 2.... Not much else planned. Sounds like a pretty chill weekend to me, which is totally cool.

Dot-Bomb!

2006-03-30T15:59:00.000-08:00

So, I joined this company 2 months ago and left my good job because there were rumors of layoffs (I was going to be one of them). This company is a new company, it's internet based and all self-funded with few investors... I probably should have known better, but it seemed like a great opportunity to get my foot in the door doing something other than mortgages. Its a great concept, but unfortunately, this company does not have the financial backing they need and therefore should not have hired on so many employees so soon.... Now they're claiming financial hardship and will not be able to pay us on our regularly scheduled pay days and are not sure of when they'll be able to do so within the next 90 days.... Last Friday, I finally got a paycheck for the first time in 3 weeks. And, as of today, I'm owed another paycheck as well as one for the end of this pay-period, which ends today... Meaning that on the 7th of April, I will be owed an entire month's worth of salary. No idea if I'll be getting it or not. Apparantly I work for free now days.....

I got a memo in my email this morning going over the office meeting we had last week and it explains that there are several options available to us. In lieu of our salary, we can 1.) purchase stock options equivalent to one months' salary 2.) invest in the company for .50 per share or 3.) if we stick it out the 90 days we'll be compensated for 1.5 months worth of salary in stock options... Anyone seeing a pattern here? There's no money involved - just paper stock options that mean nothing if the company dot-bombs.... And that doesn't pay my bills.

I didn't know what else to do, so I called D and explained it all to him.... He wanted me to pack up and walk out, but I do have a heart and felt guilty doing so, which means that I didn't (yea, I'm still sitting here.... Why am I such a nice person?!) After talking to him, I called an old friend that I had previously worked with and explained my situation... Would you believe that by the time I got back from lunch this afternoon, I have 3 opportunities to possibly choose from! My friend informed me of 2 possible positions within her sphere - one of which I'm seriously interested in but won't know about until next week sometime. And, D talked to his boss, who has some ties to the mortgage industry as well, and I'll be e-mailing my resume over to a friend of his tonight. He has promised to take a look at it and possibly share my situation wtih a few of his acquaintances as well....

So, we'll see what happens... I really would like to pack up and walk out being that I haven't been paid in ages, and have no idea when to expect my next paycheck.... But I'm just too nice of a person.... Which totally frustrates me because I can be a total bitch to someone that I love so dearly, but with a stranger, I'm sweet as pie and let them walk all over me.... I hate it.

Needless to say, my life has been turned completely upside down, backwards, and thrown for a huge loop so far this year. Honestly, what else can go wrong?! **knocking on wood** I just want my old life back....

Hearts

2006-03-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

I think this is the design I'll be going with for my hearts.... If you don't know what I'm talking about - I've been on the look out for two interlocking hearts to have them tattooed on my pelvis... I've scoured the internet, posted on message boards, asked for help from some friends.... and this is the design that D came up with and I love it. And I like the significance of D having designed it... it has more meaning behind it.

I'm not one of those people that can just tattoo any cool random design on her body.... It has to be something that's filled with meaning. All of mine have a special purpose... The sun on my shoulder represents me. Growing up, I've always been the sun and my mom the moon. So, as my first tattoo, I got a sun on my shoulder. I've yet to do the crescent moon on my opposite shoulder to represent my mom. And down the road, I'll have a celestial design drawn up that will go from one shoulder to the other, pulling the two together..... The flower on my foot is a hibiscus with a cross in the center. It represents my Christian walk, as flawed as it is.... And the stargazers on my back.... They're my favorite flower and I came across a design that I absolutely fell in love with... I had always wanted a back piece - I think they're so sexy on girls - and when I saw this design, I just had to have it.

Okay... I got off on a tangent.... So, here are the hearts.... I need to have my artist make a little modification to them, but the overall design is what I'm going for. I'm going to flip the hearts so that they're facing eachother, rather than opposite directions and I'll be removing the black outline.... All you will see is the red outlined hearts with the blue ribbon woven behind them. What do you think?

Art Journal

2006-03-28T18:08:00.000-08:00

Thank you Jaime for getting this going! I'm loving it already! I decided to go with a smaller journal, it measures 8x6 and it has thicker/heavier pages, which will be perfect for painting and inking.... I want to get a bit wild and crazy with this - I want it to be completely different than anything I've done before, something so out of my ordinary style.... Some pages may have pictures and some may just have journaling or doodles.... There's no requirement for this - just to let loose and enjoy it.

I don't know that I'll be posting all the pages here. Some might be too personal to share. But what I do feel comfortable with sharing, I will. This is going to be a journal that I can use to get my thoughts and feelings down.... A place where I can just let it all go and hold nothing back.

So here goes.... Here's my cover page, dedication page, and the first page I've done... I've got a couple more pages in mind, but I'd like to get a picture for them before I start... So be sure to check back often for updates!

Is it July yet?!

2006-03-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

Seriously... I'll probably be asking that question every day until July 1st! Friday night was pretty typical... Hung out with Jodi and Derek on Yahoo and we got to chatting about how awesome it would be if we could meet... We had talked about it before - meeting in Vegas, then maybe meeting up in PA (where they live) but something always seemed to get in the way - flight costs, me not having time available to take off.... Turns out that Jodi's office closes down for the entire week of July 4th... And they priced tickets - for them to come out from July 1st to the 9th was only like $700. And, I've decided to just take the time unpaid from work for that week.... I've got a couple months to save up, so I should be fine. They booked the tickets and now we're all so antsy to actually meet! So fun! We've got tons of stuff we want to do and just can't wait!!

Had a great time at Lindi's bbq on Saturday... She rented a bounce house for the kids and we got in and jumped for a bit... I'm so out of shape! After 5 minutes I could hardly breathe! Oh, and I got my first ever speeding ticket on the way up! (not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, lol!) I was doing 74 in a 55 on a 2 lane highway.... Everyone else was going that fast, I was just the lucky one to get caught. The not so good thing is that I had taken my insurance card out of the car when I got into that little fender bender in December and never put it back... I showed the officer my old card and explained the situation - he cited me for not having insurance, but just informed me that it'll be waived if I can prove evidence of insurance to the courts when I pay my ticket.... I'm just hoping I don't have to drive all the way to Victorville to go to court - that would not be so hot.

Other than that, it was a good weekend.... It's Monday again and I'm at work chilling.... both bosses are out of town today and tomorrow and have left nothing for me to do.... Boring!

Guess what today is?!

2006-03-24T14:30:00.000-08:00

I think it's going to become my Friday tradition to have just a completely random post.... How does that sound? Okay, good!

Here's a joke that I got in an email from a girlfriend.... It cracked me up!!

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale ...

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny, and farted whenever she wanted.

The End.

Now if only I can get the clean house and staying skinny part to be true ;o)

I posted the other day that I wanted to add some pictures to my blog and I'm a lazy bum and never got around to it.... So sorry! But here are a couple that I snapped today... The first is of Lady and the second is of Smokey.... I normally can't get descent pictures of either of them.... Guess I got lucky today!

Let's see, what else..... Oh, I got another page done this week.... I'll have it uploaded to SJ later this evening and you should be able to see it on my sidebar....

Had a half day at work today, which is totally awesome... We were in the middle of a little pow-wow and the power went out. Turns out the electricity on the entire block was out.... So I went and met a girlfriend for lunch and swung back by the office to find that power was still out, so I got to go home... Yay for me!!

I came home and vacuumed, did 2 loads of laundry, dishes and dusted my room (well, kinda).... Now I'm Jazzing and Blogging.... Waiting for Jodi to get home so we can scrap and chat... That's our nightly thing.... I love having a cam cuz we just sit and chat and scrap together (most nights we talk about scrapping instead of actually doing it, lol!). But it's cool to hang with her (and sometimes her boyfriend Derek).... Then D will usually pop on Yahoo and we chat a bit... For some reason the cam always freezes up and gets all wierd with him, so we don't get to use it much together. No biggie.

Tomorrow morning I'm driving up to Victorville to Lindi's house for a BBQ that they're throwing as their Open House. Looking forward to seeing her munchkins. Which reminds me... I should go watch Napoleon Dynamite before Matt freaks that I still haven't watched it.... :o) When I get home, D's gonna be here and hang with me for the weekend. Nothing big planned.... Hopefully we'll get to go out to dinner at Claim Jumpers - been craving their calamari!!! But it's probably going to be a pretty relaxed weekend.... I've got a couple little things I want to do but nothing spectacular.

So that's it for me.... You all have an awesome weekend! See ya on Monday!

I love Panera!

2006-03-21T10:29:00.000-08:00

Met up with D for dinner last night... it was a last minute thing. We met at Panera and I had a delicious bread bowl with potato soup, yum!! Although half way through, I got a really wierd nauseous feeling and my stomach's been upset since.... lame! But it was still good, lol!

The bad thing about blogging during the day is that I'm at work and don't have any pictures.... I want to post some new pictures for you all.... I'll have to remember to jump on here for a bit tonight and just post some photos....

That's it for me... another quickie. I'm sure I'll be back ;o)

Another Week

2006-03-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

I feel like I live for the weekends, even when there's nothing special going on... The weeks just drag on and then the weekend flies by before I even get a chance to enjoy it.... Am I the only one that feels this way? Am I the only one that feels that time goes faster and faster each year as I get older? What is going on here?! It's insane....

I got out of work early on Friday and managed to go home and take a nice little cat nap... Cleaned the house a bit, ordered a pizza, had some wine and watched Fever Pitch. I'm notorious for buying movies and never getting around to watching them, so I'm trying to catch up a bit on my movies....

Saturday I slept in, cleaned a little more and then went out and had some retail therapy ;o) It's been a while since I've bought any new clothes and what I have now is getting pretty tight... I bought 3 new pairs of jeans, a couple cute little t-shirts, a denim skirt and cute little haulter top... Now if the weather would just warm up so I can wear it! I was supposed to have a friend over Saturday night but never heard from her, so I sat home and watched another movie (can't remember which one though).

Sunday I went and hung out with a girlfriend and we went to lunch and shopped a bit... Found a cute little mail organizer thing to put in the kitchen for 15.00 - such a good deal! It was nice to meet up with her and just sit and chat.... We haven't had any time together, just the 2 of us in months!

And here it is Monday again, and all I can think about is next weekend.... I've got a BBQ to go to and am really looking forward to hanging out with my dear friend Lindi and her munchkins.... Then D's coming over and hanging out with me for the rest of the weekend.... Looking forward to it!

Finally

2006-03-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

I finally got inspired enough to put a layout together and I love how it turned out.... I've been bored out of my mind the last week and seriously wanting to scrap but everytime I'd sit down at my table, I'd draw a blank. Well, last night, I decided enough was enough! I pulled out my stack of pictures (like 500 of them!) and just started going through them, waiting for something to jump out at me..... I found 3 pictures of Jake that I adore, and broke out my new Elsie stamps (thanks Jaime!) and some ribbon that I got from Jennifer H as my Secret Cupid.... And whala!

**Okay, blogger's being a PITA and won't let me upload, WHAA!!! ** Anyways, the layout's over on my side bar - the one that says 'Untitled'.....

Happy Sunday y'all.... I'm off to finish some laundry and get my disaster of a house straightened up. ;o)