Shitty weekend
I just know that this is going to be one of the worst weekends ever! He's moving out on Sunday... I'm not going to be here when it happens. I just can't handle that. But I know too that I'm going to be coming home and he's not going to be there.... And never will be again. It just breaks my heart...
It's different knowing that he won't be coming home on the weekends or random nights... Even though he's been in a different room for the last month, at least I knew he was still here.... To know that this is really happening and he really is leaving.... it just hurts so much.
I guess I just wonder where this leads us to now... Will we ever see eachother? Will he come hang out with me? Will he call me sometimes just to say hey and see how I'm doing? Will he miss me? Will he feel like he did the right thing?
I just don't know how much I can take... He talks about this all like it's no big deal, but I wonder what he's feeling inside... Last night he said he was trying to figure out what he can and can't talk about without making me upset.... At this point, its all I can do to not break down just at the sound of his voice. And then he hugs me this morning as he left for work... it was all I could do not to start crying on his shoulder right there...
I know it'll get easier with time, and I'm sure it'll be easier for me to let go now that he won't be in the house with me.... But I still don't want to let go, even though I just have this gut wrenching feeling that this is the end. Maybe it's not, I don't know... but the pesimist in me is shining through.
It's different knowing that he won't be coming home on the weekends or random nights... Even though he's been in a different room for the last month, at least I knew he was still here.... To know that this is really happening and he really is leaving.... it just hurts so much.
I guess I just wonder where this leads us to now... Will we ever see eachother? Will he come hang out with me? Will he call me sometimes just to say hey and see how I'm doing? Will he miss me? Will he feel like he did the right thing?
I just don't know how much I can take... He talks about this all like it's no big deal, but I wonder what he's feeling inside... Last night he said he was trying to figure out what he can and can't talk about without making me upset.... At this point, its all I can do to not break down just at the sound of his voice. And then he hugs me this morning as he left for work... it was all I could do not to start crying on his shoulder right there...
I know it'll get easier with time, and I'm sure it'll be easier for me to let go now that he won't be in the house with me.... But I still don't want to let go, even though I just have this gut wrenching feeling that this is the end. Maybe it's not, I don't know... but the pesimist in me is shining through.
posted by Jes at 7:53 AM
4 Comments:
Time will definately make things better Jes. I know it's hard to imagine that, but I promise you it does. Until that time passes (((HUGS))) for you...
Hey chook... hope it's going ok... hug a puppy, their great for that.. sending you heaps of love.
sending you tons of hugs and you cand find the strength in you to get through this Jes.
cp
Hugs.... and prayers for you to get through this.
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