A Constant Battle
I had a realization last night... Something I've always known that I struggle with, but I want so eagerly for it to be fixed..... I have absolutely no belief in myself.
Johnny complimented me on a couple photos that I had taken, telling me that I have a good eye..... But my first reaction was to say "Oh, it was just a lucky shot".
No matter what it is, or what I'm doing, I don't believe that I'm good at anything. It doesn't matter what it is. Scrapbooking, photography, anything I do.... I don't think I can do any of it well. As much as I aspire to be good at it all, and as much as I'm told that I do it all well.... I don't believe it.
And I don't take compliments well. He tells me constantly how beautiful I am, how lucky he is, how amazing I am.... I don't believe any of it. Not for a second. Why? I don't know.... I hate not being receptive to the sweet things that he says.... I believe that he's saying them from the bottom of his heart and means every word that comes out of his mouth. But I just don't see it in myself.
I hate it.... I hate that I don't see what you guys all see.... I hate that I can't truly love something that I do..... I hate that I can't look at myself and say that I'm beautiful. I want that confidence but don't know how to get it. And I hate that.....
Johnny complimented me on a couple photos that I had taken, telling me that I have a good eye..... But my first reaction was to say "Oh, it was just a lucky shot".
No matter what it is, or what I'm doing, I don't believe that I'm good at anything. It doesn't matter what it is. Scrapbooking, photography, anything I do.... I don't think I can do any of it well. As much as I aspire to be good at it all, and as much as I'm told that I do it all well.... I don't believe it.
And I don't take compliments well. He tells me constantly how beautiful I am, how lucky he is, how amazing I am.... I don't believe any of it. Not for a second. Why? I don't know.... I hate not being receptive to the sweet things that he says.... I believe that he's saying them from the bottom of his heart and means every word that comes out of his mouth. But I just don't see it in myself.
I hate it.... I hate that I don't see what you guys all see.... I hate that I can't truly love something that I do..... I hate that I can't look at myself and say that I'm beautiful. I want that confidence but don't know how to get it. And I hate that.....
posted by Jes at 11:57 AM
6 Comments:
I'm the same way...but in my case, it's all true ;( I just put up a strong front
I am right there with you babe.... Hugs... and for what is worth I think you are great :)
I'm the same way too hun. I don't think there are many people who actually think they are as wonderful as they are. I get the "you are a good mom" compliment all the time and honestly I don't think I am most of the time. But YOU, you are very beautiful and funny and I LOVED hanging out with you. There, I just loaded you up with compliments!!!
I'm totally the same way. It's definetly a constant battle for me as well to take compliments and really believe them myself. My self esteem has never been great; it helps to have good friends though in the same boat and always encouraging each other. Hugs sweetie! You're amazing.
I know exactly how you feel. I think I'm 10 times worse then you though. I have no self esteem and I wish I knew how to fix it. As for you, I think you are just a cutie with a wonderful personality, you have quick wit and I think you are worth knowing.
When you learn how, you can teach me.
HUGS girl.
You ARE great.
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